i know this week will be a challenge. beginning at 8am, i will be on the pager for another 177 hours. but especially given recent events, i am trying very hard to
a) keep perspective
b) see this as an opportunity.
my due date is less than 4 months away. and i know that from the moment baby SHU emerges in her bald-headed glory [ <– just a guess; neither josh nor i began with much hair], so many things are going to change. i am a person who likes control — schedules, lists, and the like — but i’m preparing to surrender this. babies do not follow templates or bow to timetables . . . and neither do toddlers or teenagers, for that matter. so i’m going to have to learn to go with the flow and be patient.
i loved this passage i read yesterday in jon kabat-zinn’s wherever you go, there you are:
Patience is an ever present alternative to the mind’s endemic restlessness an impatience. Scratch the surface of impatience and what you will find lying beneath it, subtly or not so subtly, is anger. It’s the strong energy of not wanting things to be the way they are an blaming someone (often yourself) or something for it.
i know that anger. it happens when the pager rings for the 7th time when you JUST WANT TO SLEEP and you start cursing the world, including all of the little kids out there with endocrine issues and of course yourself, for getting you into the situation.
by the light of day, you can look back and see that the anger was misplaced, but it’s oh-so-hard to cultivate patience inside of that moment, when it is needed most.
this week, i will try to channel the patience that i have observed in some of my most inspiring colleagues [including the one who was lost last week].
i sign on in 76 minutes. here goes nothing!
as i mentioned yesterday, the past few days were tiring on several levels, but i do not want to paint a woe-is-me sort of picture. i was affected by last week’s tragic loss, but my heart goes out to my colleague’s family and close friends who are suffering more than i can even imagine.
we are now moved into what josh and i consider to be the nicest dwelling we’ve ever lived, and the move itself was actually pretty easy. our new space is fairly neat and functional already, aside from our future nursery [it’s currently a makeshift office for josh, but he knows those days are numbered]. we ate THIS on saturday night:
workouts from week 22
cooking no sunday dinner this time — we hit up nanataco for a super-late lunch [like, 3 pm] and basically took care of 2 meals in one.