as i’ve mentioned approximately 83923 times in the past couple of weeks . . .
i’m headed back to work soon. and i’m definitely preoccupied thinking about it! while i’m trying to enjoy the last couple of weeks of SAHM-ism, i’ve started to get anxious about a few things coming up very shortly:
✔ i’m headed to houston next weekend for a one-night overnight stay. i’m presenting a poster at a conference [endo society anyone?], which i felt was an important step for me and something that i won’t have many chances to do. however, i have to admit that i’m sort of dreading this trip now. our original plan was that annabel was going to come along [with josh!] but circumstances changed and instead i’m going to be going without her. it’s going to be a pump-fest! anyone have experience traveling with a pump ‘n’ style and bag o’ milk?
✔ i have a few work meetings and doctors’ appointments next week – so annabel is actually going to get her first taste of day care very soon. i hadn’t planned on it, but our contract actually starts early due to availability, and then i figured it made sense to use that time to help with the transition. i’ll be taking her for just a couple of hours/day to start and not every day, but it will give me a chance to do things like go to the dentist + eye doctor before i go back to work. monday is our tentative start, and i have to admit i had nightmares about this last night — i’m not even sure WHAT i’m worried about, but i just have this sad unsettled feeling about it all. and of course . . .
✔ i’m still absolutely obsessed and paranoid about pumping and my supply. i know, i need to calm down. but when i compare my AM yields to others [and the speed at which the milk comes out — i’m typically attached to that #*&#@ thing for 30 minutes], it seems like i am on the low end of production*, and i just feel like it’s going to be a problem. i realize that if annabel has to receive some supplementary formula it won’t be the end of the world, but . . . i. just. don’t. want. to.** plus, i envision this slippery slope where if i start supplementing, my supply will plummet and i won’t even be able to feed her at night.
* i’m referring to pump-ability, not my actual supply. i feel like i have enough for annabel as long as SHE can get it out, but i don’t think i let down well to the pump. perhaps when it becomes more routine this will improve!?
** i will if i have to obviously, but i will be sad.