man, what a hard question to tackle.
it’s 8:30 pm — my usual bedtime — and i’m pretty wide awake. i ended up turning my routine upside down today and running after i put miss a. to bed at 7 pm. it’s been literally years since i’ve worked out at night, but i actually think this arrangement might be better for right now. a’s wakeups have been unpredictable, and this morning’s 5:45 am call was especially inconvenient as i had JUST pumped and was ready to run.
this way i might actually have a chance of seeing josh for a bit longer in the evenings, too. the only downside? falling asleep! this isn’t usually [ever!] a problem for me, but i’m not used to endorphins so close to downtime, either. we’ll see what happens.
ANYWAY. so on my little run this evening, i thought about my answer to this question:
K. writes: I know that you love being a mom and being a doctor. And, if you had everything to do all over again, would you still have invested as much time into becoming a physician? The reason that I’m asking is because I am currently studying for the MCAT. I am 30 years old. I am not interested in having children at this point, but I definitely want children at some point. There is nothing more important to me right now than getting into medical school so that I can eventually take care of patients (more than I’m able to do now), but also, I just love oncology and medicine and want learn everything I can about them! I have considered nursing (for about a second) and PA school, but I really want more than either of those programs can offer.
Does being a mom change how you feel about your career? I know that is a very personal question. I just wonder if my perspective will change and if maybe I’m missing out on something more important by not seeing the bigger picture.
the short version
yes. i would do it again. i am pretty happy with the way things have turned out, after all. i enjoy going to work at least most of the time, and am very excited about [hopefully!! if i can find one . . .] starting a real job in just one year.
life is hectic right now and i do feel guilty sometimes about not being home. but i honestly think i would probably be less happy as a SAHM. does this make me selfish to work? perhaps. but a happy mother is likely to be a BETTER one in my opinion. and as i move up the career totem pole, i am determined to find some mix that works for me.
HOWEVER. i have to admit that i am really REALLY happy to be in fellowship and not residency right now, or perhaps med school. even in my current position, there are plenty of compromises that i have to make. i think that things would have been incredibly difficult had i actually been able to get pregnant when i first stated trying [ironic, huh!?]. of course, one important variable here is josh. his residency [surgery, now vascular fellowship] has always been extremely demanding, and i don’t think i could have been happy handling things the way i am able to now.
i believe that family is something to think about, and the choice to follow a given career path is not something to be taken lightly.
do i sound like i’m taking women back decades? perhaps. but i graduated college NOT thinking about these things [and determined not to think about them] — and it ended up backfiring a bit [quitting my phD, etc]. i also think that there are MANY other incredibly rewarding careers involving patients that do not involve the sacrifices of medicine. i don’t think i would be super-happy as a nurse [i’m too . . . lazy! really. nursing is too physical for me and i don’t have the patience] but i probably would have loved being a PA or clinical pharmacist.
i probably would have been happy doing a lot of things, really: i could see myself as a writer of some sort, or a consultant of some kind, or backup singer for beyoncé [ <– okay not really]. it turned out that medicine has worked out for me thus far, but i don’t think it’s the end-all be-all BEST CAREER EVER for everyone.
sort of along these lines
i read a few pieces related to motherhood over the past 24 hours that made me think:
on becoming from dear baby
cease fire: the mommy wars from healthy tipping point
female doctors grapple with salary inequity from the philadelphia newspaper [my dad sent it to me]. personally, i’d rather take a lower salary and a job with fewer demands [so that i can spend more time with family] but obviously that shouldn’t be the only option.
thoughts? how would you answer this reader question?
