So I’m sitting here, drinking coffee, and not pumping this morning. Not because I don’t want to, but because I’ve accepted the fact that if I do, C will not be satisfied with his morning meal when he wakes up at 6:30 or so. My days of hoarding ounces are officially over.
And you know what? I do feel a little sad, but it’s okay.
The past two nights, I gave C a bottle before bed. (We breastfed all day on demand and it was absolutely fine and lovely until the evening hours.) On Saturday night, he took only 2.5 oz but he slept until 2am, which is SO much better than he had been doing. Last night, he acted absolutely ravenous at 8 when I put him down, so after cluster feeding for hours, I gave him 5 oz which he guzzled almost frantically. HE SLEPT UNTIL 3 AM.
I’m absolutely not done with breastfeeding. I hope that — like with Annabel — we continue until at least a year with morning and nighttime feedings. But I’m done trying so hard to fight nature, and nature dictates that when you are away from your baby at work for 10 hours every weekday, you just can’t QUITE maintain a full supply, even by trying very, very hard. At least in my case.
SO: I’ll still pump 2-3x/day at work (3 if it’s feasible but I won’t try to force it), and the freezer stash is going to get heavy use until it’s gone. And I will be happier, and C will be happier, and most likely there will be no other consequences. (Right? . . .)
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It was a good weekend, but Josh was on call, so I felt pretty harried at times. On the upside, it was a very social 2 days, which was fun! 2 playdates and a TON of family time. Plus, yesterday I did manage to get both A&C to nap at once. Instead of trying to fit in a workout, I sat down to just organize all of the stressful to dos floating around — and I feel so much better as a result. I also wrote out on paper the things that were stressing me out. I realized that I need to give myself a break (about the breastmilk/pumping thing especially) but at the same time really focus on living intentionally and keeping my true priorities in mind. Maybe a little more on those later, but now I’m going to run (it’s been a whole week!).
weekend pix
i am obsessed with his lips
rare mother-daughter shot
(on the way to dinner at chicken kitchen on saturday night)
this one is blurry but she is SO proud of her new backpack
how C napped on Saturday
not our dog but A probably wishes he were
C is waking up and actually PLAYING now which is so much fun
cousin time in the pool w/ poppy (I watched from inside with C!)
6 Comments
Glad you got a bit more sleep last night and that you are cutting yourself some slack in the pumping department (at least for now). My hang up was (and still is) never wanting to sleep train or leave my baby to cry before he went to sleep. And things were fine until S was about 8 months old. Then from 8 months to 15 months the getting to sleep process was horrible and the staying asleep process was even worse. He was eating a lot during the day and we tried supplementing extra milk and formula before bed but he was still up multiple times at night to nurse and then we either let him sleep with us or I had to try to rock him back to sleep. I’d drive around at 2am (when I had to be up at 5am) desperately trying to get him to go to sleep. Then one night I just couldn’t take it anymore. I put him down and let him scream. And then 5 min later he was asleep. So we started putting him down awake and not responding to him at night unless he screamed for a long time (> 5min) and it has been life changing. So so so much better. However, I still feel guilty when I put him in bed at 7:30 and he cries for a bit. We were traveling this weekend and my MIL rocked him to sleep at bedtime and for every nap, and I felt super guilty. BUT I know for my own mental health I have to be able to put him down at 7:30 – tears or no tears – and have some downtime. Rocking to sleep, which ought to be a sweet bonding experience, was driving me totally batty.
So not exactly the same as your situation, but another example of how we all have to compromise on things to stay sane.
If it makes you feel any better we absolutely subscribe to the ‘bed at bedtime’ approach with annabel (no rocking/persuading/etc) and she is a fantastic sleeper who i think really ENJOYS her time in the crib. even if she does wail for literally 30 seconds sometimes, it evolves into singing and she happily goes to sleep. i am hopeful that C will some day sleep like she does, though I know it will take some time.
Yay for sleep!! And for less pumping sessions!! We had a similar experience when I started feeding from my freezer stash and then formula. Now my daughter seems to be reacting to the formula, though, so we’re back to multiple wake ups. We’re trying hypoallergenic formula, though, so hopefully that helps! This is random but we have that same car seat and I just realized the manual says to remove the infant insert at 11 lbs. just FYI – the nice thing is it’s so much cooler!
Glad you’re getting more sleep! It helps EVERYTHING. Sounds like a pretty good weekend.
So glad you got more sleep. Sounds like you are doing an awesome job. I always get a little wistful as each stage ends. Then I always seem to find something I love about the new stage and it feels ok to let go of the previous stage.
Hey Chiquita – one more note about the nursing. Even with those supplements we gave Shia, I nursed him until 18 months (switching to pretty much the schedule you described in your most recent post). He is probably going through a growth spurt. I promise, it will get better after the long weekend (more time for nursing on demand) and you are doing an AMAZING job. It’s freaking hard to work, nurse and take care of two. And your kids are growing beautifully and look so happy. You are doing great – I promise.