I’m feeling kind of low today. I just cannot stop the stupid preoccupation with Cameron’s milk / breastfeeding, and it’s really weighing on me*. I am now in a frustrating phase where I am definitely not making enough for him. (Today I pumped ~10 oz. He drank . . . 19.) But I’m also not totally ready to be done with pumping. And I’m not even getting any of the nice parts of breastfeeding anymore: every time I go to feed him, I have anxiety about it**, and every time I pump I feel really lame and down on myself for not being able to provide for him. Since that is 3x/day currently, that’s a lot of negativity.
I may just need to STOP pumping and go to twice daily feeding and let things settle out naturally, because the number of hours that this is on my mind is just — too many. I wish I didn’t feel so sad about it. I really do cherish the breastfeeding relationship because it’s the one thing that only I can do for Cameron. (And yet really — I can’t do it. Not quite enough, anyway.)
BAH. I might go in the opposite direction and try domperidone for a little while. Well, maybe.