I have so much: 2 beautiful thriving children, a job I enjoy (and that I feel is meaningful), a happy marriage, a charming house in a lovely neighborhood. I don’t even have to endure winter! I am healthy, and so are those in my immediate family.
I pay a lot of attention to how I use the various resources in my life: expenses, time, energy. I have recently come to the conclusion that despite efforts to maximize efficiency and use the errant bits wisely I really just don’t have much free time right now.
This is 100% a result of choices that I have made. Choices that I feel are the right ones. But it still feels hard sometimes. I think about the blog posts that I would like to sit down and write (so many of them swirling in my head!), and the books I’d like to read. I’d love to eat a meal that wasn’t rushed. And I crave some blank space to just reflect — but it’s just not there right now.
The holiday season is not helping. So many gifts to give, mementos to make (cards! calendars! photo albums!), all of which do spark little bits of joy and are therefore worth doing. But those things take time. And right now, there just isn’t much.
I know — “it’s a season.” Annabel and Cameron will someday sleep until noon on weekends and I’ll yearn for the uncomplicated baby days, C’s soft head and A’s amazing ringlets. Right now, though, I will keep searching for some space.
PS: I did have a lovely weekend with A&C in spite of the above. I just would have loved a little slice of the weekend for me. I attempted to make this happen by hiring a babysitter, but she cancelled at the last minute. This happens a lot, unfortunately.