If you may remember, I decided to take on the Whole30 this month.
Then I cheated a little bit.
And then a little more.
And by last week, I just gave up. While I stand by my Upholder tendencies, I just had trouble. Reasons include:
2) Motivation. I started feeling better after a few days and lost my motivation to really press on.
3) I knew I had a weekend away on the calendar (this weekend!) and rationalized that since the month would not be ‘perfect’ then there was really no point*
4) I couldn’t really rationalize the need to be so strict with myself.
I’m going to keep my actual numerical weight off of the internet (in part because it sounds lower than it really is because I am 5’1″, or actually 5’0.75″, which was a terrible discovery to make at age 35). But let’s discuss, using X.
X = weight that is ‘normal’ me. Interestingly, this was ‘normal’ me in high school, at my wedding, and now. Body composition has changed FOR SURE, but X is pretty much exactly the same.
X-3 lb = has happened during a few periods of my life — some natural (breastfeeding — the first time) and some less so (lots and lots of miles; certain times of residency; some times in college). I can fit into size 0 dresses at this weight (that I have since given away) but I do not think it is natural for me in most circumstances. Of note, this is where I initially was (due to running/residency lifestyle) during my long period of infertility before Annabel.
X+3 lb = rare but typically induced by stress and/or long periods of indulgence (winter? vacation? whatever). Typically once I hit this point I a) am actually less hungry (I think my body tries to self-regulate) and b) I swing into full ‘intervention’ mode once I have realized/accepted it has happened.
What amazes me about this is — IT’S SUCH A TINY RANGE! Given that it is so small, it is probably not surprising that all 3 are in the healthy BMI range. And yet they feel so different. It has taken me years to accept that “X” is better for me than “X-3” — although the fertility struggles did help put me in my place.
ANYWAY. All that said, I couldn’t cut wine and chocolate out of my life for a month. If I did, I’d probably settle around X-3 temporarily — but what would be the point? I’m not going to give up wine and chocolate forever. Or sweet potato fries. I settled into paleo because it doesn’t feel like deprivation to me. I actually really don’t miss bread/pasta/cheese (and I find that I feel better off of these things). But I could never say the same thing about wine/dark chocolate/etc.
I cannot promise I will not try Whole30 again — there probably will be times in my life when a ‘clean slate’ is a good idea, and I think the Whole30 is a good healthy template for that. But for now I am going back to (my) normal.
* faulty reasoning, I know. But it was a thought pattern nonetheless.