Yes, acts of kindness to others are very important — but sometimes we tell ourselves stories about what we are ‘allowed’ to do for ourselves.
(I say “we” here because I am very confident I am not the only one.)
Lately I am trying to question my own instincts around this, and have been trying to notice when there is an opportunity to say yes to myself (especially when there is no appreciable downside to others)!
Here are some things I have noticed/come up with . . .
1- I ordered 4 bras from the Nordstrom sale just to see if they would work – 2 styles, 2 sizes. (I had many Natori bras I loved pre-defibrillator, and they all had to be retired. I cannot tolerate underwire anymore (there are wires across my sternum as well as the device sticking under my left armpit). I mostly wear these monstrosities and they are cheap and provide some lift (and donate at least a cup size) but they are bulky and visible under tank tops and other things.
(2/4 have arrived and do not work, but I still have some hope.)
2- I informed Josh/A that I needed gelato urgently on Monday at 3 pm (G/C were out) and very much enjoyed this break / celebration of the end of call. It was impulsive and somewhat unlike me, and it was awesome.
3- I am trying out evening Pilates. There’s a class that ends ~45 min before A’s gym pickup, so I am going to see how it feels to take the class and then read in the car (or just relax and listen to something) before bringing her home. My gym is also fairly close to her gymnastics gym (and the dance studio – those building are right next to each other!) so I could try some evening workouts before pickup some nights too. Of course Josh still does lots of evening pickups, but I think building in some nights where I combine this errand with exercise would feel nice so . . . why not!?
4- I just booked a mani for 8:30 AM this morning. It’s on the way home from school drop off (which I just did today – FIRST DAY BACK AHHH!) and I had “nails” on my list for days but can’t seem to do my own. There is room in my budget for an express mani every couple of weeks so . . . let’s do it!
5- I am being generous with myself in booking future vacations/travel. Some examples: I’m going to move into the BLP Live hotel one night earlier instead of driving back and forth like I have in previous years (it has always felt harried and annoying). I added an extra day to my college friends trip (coming up in September!) to fit in more friend time (and maybe some stationery shopping in Boston!?) and to make it less hectic. I am scheming to add an overnight/dinner at The Inn at Little Washington (this is TOTALLY indulgent and has been on my list of dreams for some time) to my Hopkins cardiology appointment next spring (they are relatively near each other).
Oh, and I think we’ll go to Universal Studios for the second week of winter break! The kids are dying to go (G is OBSESSED with the Simpsons right now and is so excited to experience that area) and I think this will be enough to make the week feel fun without INSANELY inflated prices that come with any farther flung travel that week. (Still have skiing planned for February – and very much hoping Josh can fully participate!)
OTHER NEWS:
Drop off today went well – I WISH I could share a pic, but I know they wouldn’t want me to post! (But for the record, they were so cute!)
Just finished The Measure and started Ann Patchett’s Whistler. I LOOOVE her writing voice (can tell form page 1!).
34 Comments
I think I would only want to know how long my string was if I knew my husband and I both had short strings. Otherwise I’d rather be unaware of how long I had to live. I think. This topic is something my husband and I have talked about tangentially because he dad died from Alzheimer’s at age 70. So we have discussed whether he’d want to pursue genetic testing and he doesn’t. Which I completely understand. I think I’d make the same choice.
I love the gentle choices you are making! I like the idea of taking a class before picking up A, especially since you will have a bit of margin between your class and picking her up (I wouldn’t want to dash from one thing to another unless they were extremely close). That margin can be spent doing things you enjoy. If you were home, you might be tempted to spend that time being productive!
Great and inspiring post which hit me at a perfect time. Thank you.
Will replicate this gentle self kindness exercise myself!
oh yay! I’m so glad.
I once did a gene type test and checked that I also DID NOT want to know my Alzheimer’s risk (my grandmother had it). I felt like all it would do is make me super paranoid and sad if I did have a higher risk allele, and it wasn’t going to be definitive, anyway!
I think I wouldn’t want to know how long I had to live BUT I also know myself: I wouldn’t be able to resist opening the box and seeing the length of the string.
Yay for spontaneous gelato and mani.
Why are we so hard on ourselves?? We deserves acts of kindness, too. This reminds me a bit of Gretchen Rubin’s advice to treat ourselves like toddlers. Often, a nap, a drink, a snack… those sorts of things can make a huge difference in our day.
Happy Back to School season. You’re almost a month ahead of us here, but I’m counting down the days 🙂
thank you! And YES re: toddlers, paying attention to OUR sensory needs too . . . sometimes I remind myself “oh yeah, you are allowed to go to the bathroom between patents . . .”
My husband and I both have garbage genes so I have been prioritizing being kind to myself aggressively these past few months. The only problem is that things keep getting more and more outrageously expensive, so that is depressing and kind of limiting. So, I am pivoting to other less expensive pleasures… which I’m sure will get taken away from me too, at some point because that it how it seems to be. Trying to find something positive to look forward to today is difficult, not sure why.
I have days like that too – that is exactly how my thinking goes during a bad luteal phase. And it sucks. I hope things turn around soon -thinking of you and I get it!
The Measure was good! I’m still not sure of my answer (would I want to know) but I like how the book explores all the issues that could arise.
Universal!!! So fun. I like it way better than Disney. Mostly because I LOVE Harry Potter, and the HP sections at Universal are amazing. But we did the Simpsons last time we were there and it’s really, really good. So funny
There’s something so nice about treating yourself after the first day of school dropoff. When the kids were little it was such a relief to have made it through another summer. Now summers are easier than school, in a lot of ways, but I still love the feeling of back to school. I love the first half of the year with all the football games and holidays.
YES to treating ourselves kindly!!!
YES! we love HP too (and G just read the first book, though she’s seen multiple movies so it wasn’t entirely a new world to her, but still cool!).
I love all of this. you know as you were talking about doing evening exercise I think there’s also a function of your life shifting and having older kids can change the rhythms. It’s taking me a while to realize I can do more in the evenings because we don’t rush to bed anymore and the kids are more independent in general. It’s kind of freeing but it’s also hard to shift. These are great ideas I agree, it’s not just you.
YES. It’s very easy to get stuck in the ‘I’m a little kid mom’ identity/routines and then you look up and it’s like oh wait . . (though G is still fairly young. But the other two really aren’t at all!)
These bras might work for you. They were recommended by a stylist and I have found them to be very comfortable. No underwire, but some structure. The ones I have have hooks to adjust the band size but are otherwise soft and still somehow provide some lift. https://neiwai.life/collections/barely-zero-bras-all?page=2
will check out!! THANK YOU!
You MUST do dinner and stay at the Inn at Little Washington. I didn’t stay there, but hosted a retirement dinner there. It was incredible and memorable. We did a table in the kitchen (we work for a food service organization, so this was extra fun to see the inter-workings). The meal and service was just so great. If you don’t want to spring for the whole thing (ie just do dinner and not stay)… a colleague and I stayed a block away at The White Moose Inn, which was also a delightful B&B, but much less expensive. I could talk more on this whole experience and have amazing photos of dinner if you want to email me!
YES I saw there was an inn within waling distance! That might make things even more manageable – I would LOVE to see pix!
Depending how much support you need from a bra—if it’s relatively light, I highly recommend these bralettes from True & Co. I got a bunch from Nordstrom last year during the anniversary sale and this summer found them at Costco!
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/5142221?color=4444487EC3&size=small
Again, light on support but they are the most comfortable bra I’ve ever owned. Not going back!
Happy back to school! Here in the greater Seattle area we have 3 weeks of summer left. I haven’t shared but we also had a summer of canceled plans due to unexpected medical emergency—long story short, I had to take my husband to the ER on July 3rd and he was diagnosed with afib, but doctors couldn’t control it/he couldn’t even walk a flight of stairs for 2.5 weeks. We had to cancel our trip to Montana (no big sky, no Yellowstone), and our other trips. It’s been disappointing to say the least but also really scary and he’s not out of the woods yet as now he’s having to wean off the strong medication that made his body finally revert to sinus rhythm and I’m afraid he’ll end up back in uncontrolled afib and need an ablation…while our family takes our one, condensed replacement 4 day trip to Whistler.
All to say—I’ve been heavily relating to your ups and downs this summer and maybe I’ll adopt the idea of acts of kindness to myself, too.
The biggest take away I’m focused on from this summer of medical emergency/canceled plans is to really sit down with my husband and prioritize travel for the upcoming year and longer term. Not that any of it is guaranteed to happen, but with our kids entering 6th and 4th grades, I’m acutely aware of the fact that I now have 7 summers left before the oldest heads to college. It’s…sobering.
Cheers to you, and to this community, Sarah! Wishing everyone a great end to summer/start of school.
PS: Whistler is my favorite book of the year so far!! I LOVED it, and hope you do, too.
oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! At least the Whistler area is so gorgeous – I hope it’s still an amazing trip. And GAHHH about the AFib!!!!! I hope he never had to get shocked or that he was asleep if he did! I’m glad he’s in sinus but obviously I understand the uncertainty factor/tenuousness around that. THINKING OF YOU!!!! And glad the book gets your thumbs up – I can already tell it’s my jam and I just started. I will check out all the bras mentioned!!!
I have Boston stationary store recommendations!
Boston, Cambridge, and Somerville are all do-able in the same day on public transit/uber. Bob Slate is a great old school store in Harvard Square, Cambridge. There’s also a Muji just down the street which I love to check out. There’s not really anywhere else you can get a nice Japanese planner for less than $15! There’s also a Moleskine between those two stores. So a good location to hit up a few quickly.
Tiny Turns in Somerville is small but packed! with fun stuff and worth the trek. They sell Hobonichi around launch day but sell out over time.
There’s also another Muji on Newbury St in Boston if that is easier. But I recommend making the trip to Harvard Square for those few shops.
Happy to help with any other recommendations!
Sorry nesting fail in iPhone! But hopefully helpful info.
THANK YOU!!!! This is awesome – I cannot wait for my Boston stationery tour 🙂 ha!!
I loved The Measure! It has stuck with me for years. Taylor Jenkins Reid’s book “One True Loves” made me think in a similar way!
I have added The Measure to my TBR! Am I correct that your college friends trip in September is to Cape Cod? If so, I am curious to hear how you like it! We’re here now at my in-laws’–it’s our family’s go-to summer vacation spot and we absolutely love it (we’re in the Osterville/Barnstable area, mid-Cape). Most people who live here say September is the best month on the Cape! Weather is still beautiful, but with chillier nights and way fewer crowds. I have never gotten to experience it because due to the school schedule we’re always back at home by then, though.
Love this post and the reminder we all should be kind to ourselves.
If you need another bra option, I also can’t do wires (thanks to duct issues post nursing) but really like Soma’s Enbliss wireless. For whatever reason , I always associate soma with old ladies but I really like everything I’ve gotten there.
Second this recommendation for Enbliss! I will note that they make me sweaty for some reason, but they are the most comfortable bras and I essentially don’t wear other bras anymore now that I have these!!
yep – Truro! One friend has a house there and we rented another. I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!!
Oh great! I don’t know that area as well (outer cape—we go to the mid-cape) but I am going to email you a couple (unsolicited haha) recs!
oh yay! I’ll take it!!
A slightly more *melancholy* (I think that’s the word I’d use?) book I read on a plane home was Transcription by Ben Lerner. The premise is that the protagonist is interviewing a college professor for a career retrospective…and is going to, as is habit, record on his iPhone, which he promptly bricks. It brought up a lot of really interesting points about technology, recalling interactions, and dives into the backstory between the characters-surprisingly only about 100 pages. I wouldn’t say it was sad, but it was just thoughtful and wistful about memory and who owns a story.
Also had to laugh, because when the protagonist realized he trashed his phone, I was like…don’t journalists have tape recorders or know shorthand? Yes, they did…in 1996…not anymore, I guess.
it totally sounds good! I think I read The Topeka School by that author – remember it being bleak but pretty good.
Coming here to also say DEFINITELY go to The Inn at Little Washington! We’ve been lucky enough to eat there 3 times and stay at the inn once. The whole meal experience is incredible whether or not you stay there. And it was unlike any hotel service we’ve ever had (while we were at dinner, they came in for turndown service and they folded my husband’s dirty socks and put them neatly on his shoes (!!!) ). The breakfast the next morning was amazing too.
ha!! that’s funny re: the socks!!! WOW.
I LOVED Whistler. I wasn’t in the mood for a giant saga, and it was the perfect, tight story for me. If you do make it to Big Sky, let’s try to meet up. I’m there at all normal school breaks;) And our husbands can bond over tibial plateau fractures…
The Inn at Little Washington and Johns Hopkins are close enough near when a dream item is involved. 🙂