i think i may have peaked too early. see, i just took this ‘performance assessment’ offered by the nbme, the company that owns/administers the usmle. it was a 200-question test done online, like a mini-version of the 8 hour test marathon that i will face in exactly one week. the assholes at nbme charge $45 for the privelige of taking this so-called assessment (highway robbery! though this is mere pocket change compared to the $500 cost of the test itself. don’t they know we’re poor students?), but i succumbed because i felt like:
a) if i did well, it would be a nice confidence booster and i’d be a lot less nervous on test day
b) if i did poorly in some areas, i would know which ones i needed to focus on in the remaining days
c) if i did poorly overall, i could pull my hair out and fall to the floor in a writhing ball of self-pity
the results: i did well. not like, off-the-charts-oh-my-god well, but like, good enough that i would be content with such a score on the real thing. because, as i’ve mentioned before, i’m not contending for a spot in dermatology or plastics anyway (can you imagine, with my coordination/spatial skill set? ‘mr smith? i removed your mole. oh dear, and part of your carotid artery, i think. um . . .mr smith? can you hear me?’).
anyway. so . . . now what? i almost feel like i’ve been anti-motivated. i mean, why bother trying to get the brachial plexus straight when i can get those questions wrong and do okay anyway? but at the same time, i feel that if i were to take a real vacation, i would probably forget half the things that are precariously crammed into my head and therefore do worse than i just did, and that would be annoying.
i guess the real answer is to keep studying/reviewing for at a few hours each day, work a little bit on problem areas without pushing myself past the point of frustration, and stop stressing out about the whole damn thing.
i am really looking forward to the return of pre-boards-prep life.
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my hair is straight and smooth and shiny. it looks fabulous. i even made josh take pictures. because unfortunately, as soon as i take a shower, it will be back to its own obnoxious self. c’est la vie.