toeing the line

July 23, 2006

tomorrow, i start my pediatrics sub-internship. i have been forewarned of my responsibilities [write all your own orders! know EVERYTHING about your patients! stay up all night every 4th night! and don’t forget to keep smiling!] and i know where to meet my team in the morning. i suppose it’s nothing i haven’t done before, and i realize that i sounded all ready for it in my last entry, but . . . WHY AM I FEELING SO FREAKING ANXIOUS?

what the hell is my problem: a list

1. i hate transitions.

2. it’s scary starting on an unknown team — they could be nice, they could be grumpy, they could be stress cases who fall apart at the slightest provocation, or they could be evil. i have worked with all of these types before, and many are NO FUN.

3. i forget how to do an exam on a baby (although i will review this today)

4. i forget how to write pediatrics notes exactly (although i will look at some of these too)

5. i am terrified i am going to be unable to function sans sleep every fourth night.

6. i am worried that i will hate it and be miserable.

and so yeah. i want to do well, i want to like it, i want to be relaxed about all of this but — this is just me. hopefully, i will feel better as soon as i have actually started. i’m on call tomorrow: let’s hope that my first new admit case is something like ‘small bump on the knee’ and not ‘neonatal meningitis.’