today will be better

August 15, 2008

because it couldn’t be much worse! seriously, my call night was beyond painful. there was (and still is, most likely) one patient who was previously healthy and is now dying, and there isn’t really anything that we can do about it. we had another patient come back from the operating room only to promptly begin coding, and in the midst of all this half of the other (previously more stable) patients started to misbehave just because they could. the NP tried to blame me for ‘missing’ something on a patient’s blood gas — but hello, she is responsible for looking at that too, and in fact she was covering half the number of patients that i was and nurses were not grabbing her every 3 seconds to have her put in orders, which is essentially all i do ALL NIGHT LONG when in the PICU. anyway, it was just a big mess, i didn’t get to sleep at all, and i spent the next day’s 3.5 hour rounds lurching from side to side as i desperately attempted to remain awake and standing. it was pure torture.

i drove home (thankfully without incident), got home at noon, passed out in the bed, and completely missed the alarm that i had set for 4:45 pm so that i could make it to the gym. instead, i woke up at 6:30 pm and just decided to sleep straight through to the next morning. it felt right at the time, but now i just find it depressing, and am annoyed that i missed a run. plus, now it IS the next morning and i am still tired and want to continue sleeping.

i would rather not have this blog be such a complain-fest, but honestly i’m not very happy right now. the PICU feels like a madhouse to me, and it is frustrating. i was excited at the beginning that at least i could get some procedural experience, but the fellows are brand new and they are not letting us do anything because THEY need to get signed off (there were 3 intubations on my call night and even though i wanted to, i was not allowed to do any of them!). i need to figure out some way to make it better, or i am not going to survive the next 2 weeks.

hopefully, after this stormy call there will be a rainbow.

photo credit: picture taken by my dad, facing away from the house i lived growing up.


  • Reply Jenny March 10, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    I am so sorry. I am sending every good vibe I can think of, hoping today *will* be better and that you *will* get through the next two weeks.


  • Reply Cindy March 10, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    stay strong. residency is a beyatch but believe me, it’s going to be so worth it when you get out. then you’ll be able to laugh about all the hellishness that’s behind you. i’ve enjoyed reading your blog b/c i relate to both the running and the whole trial -by-fire fun of training. and don’t feel bad about venting–it’s good for you!

  • Reply Anonymous March 10, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    Sounds like you did have a rough day. Just try and take it one day at a time. Hang in there.

    You should take the pictures you posted below of your husband to work with you. When you need a quick pick me up or just something to make you smile, take a little peak.

  • Reply ModelBehavior March 10, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    Wowza, that sounds intense! Your a strong girl for putting up with all of that! Hang in there baby!! (picture cat on wire, I love that poster)

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