2024 will already go down in my life history book as a year of HIGH highs, LOW lows, and BIG things checked off my list.
This is not the best pic ever but it is the photo of a victorious finish line pic when it comes to OUR ESTATE PLANNING, an item that has been on my Big Yearly List for a number of years now.
Signed!
Sealed!
Delivered (to my email inbox in PDF form)!
Okay fine there are still a few nagging tasks left but the attorney told us today that while they will make things more streamlined, they will not prevent the basic intent of our planning from going into effect. So while I plan on finishing those tasks (mostly changing beneficiaries of some accounts etc) I will consider this task complete.
Key Take Aways from Completing This Task
1- I stand by my position that just because a task has rolled over for a few years DOES NOT mean it will never get done or that the goal setting process has “failed” me in some way. I do not regret placing this goal on prior years’ lists, nor do I feel bad about not getting it done until now. I had identified it as a priority, and yet it took some time before we were able to get it done. That’s totally acceptable – and now it’s done!
2- The key element in finishing this task was creating a deadline. (And, hiring experts!). The “experts” part seems fairly obvious when it comes to estate planning, I was never trying to DIY this task. But what I had failed to do was set up a clear deadline for the various decisions to be made, some of which are emotionally complex and therefore . . . not a lot of fun!
Earlier this year, I emailed our attorney and asked for us to have a meeting where we could set a timeline, and then we set another meeting up for us to give her all of our answers. Today’s appointment was also scheduled fairly far out as it involved a drive to the law office to sign things (and uh, the office was in Miami because we started this process when we still lived in Miami Beach, ha!). But all of these things had to be calendared in firmly. We were never going to just “feel like” making these decisions.
3- Accountability probably helped too!!! I remember writing this post and it kind of lit a fire. Now 3/4 of these are pretty much dealt with (my house remains filled with way too many disorganized things; 2024 is just NOT going to be the year for dealing with that, and that’s ok!).
So, THANK YOU and I hope anyone that has a frustrating lingering project will maybe get some inspiration here, or perhaps feel more hopeful that just because it isn’t done the first time it’s on your list doesn’t mean it won’t ever get done at all. The things that are important to you will roll over and you will figure out a way!
(Which means that SOME DAY, I might not own 14 unidentified charging cables and G will have a drawer that contains more matching than mismatched socks. 2025? 2026? We will see!)
21 Comments
Hooray! Congrats. What a great feeling for this to be done. And gives me hope for my unfinished tasks (including my estate planning! Ha!)
Woohoo! I’m so proud of you, it’s a relief to have it done.
Do 7 year olds need matching socks? I’m not so sure…
Estate planning is such a pain! We did ours two years ago and I forced my parents to do that and a POA last year which… honestly I expect I’ll have to go to probate no matter what (getting my father to do anything is not easy and I expect he will blow off retitling the accounts even if I nag him constantly), but I really needed them to agree to the POA. Congrats on getting this done!
thank you!!! Good point to ask about my parents. I am pretty sure they are totally done and organized about it BUT I haven’t really delved in in-depth or asked recently!
Ask! They may have one (mine do), but it may also need to be updated if they did it years ago, say before grandchildren or other significant life changes. I had to strongly encourage [insist] my parents to talk with a local attorney after they moved because estate laws vary per state.
Congrats for getting this item off your to do list! It’s a big one and nice to have behind you. We did it back in 2018 when we had our first child and then updated it in 2020. The update process was very easy – it’s the initial setting up of things that can be more overwhelming and emotional for some. But yay – you did it!!
Congratulations!!! This is HUGE! So happy for you!!
This is also a 2024 goal for me/us and we are at the stage where I have to make one final decision and then we can go sign our documents—so I think/hope this will be concluded in December. It will be such a relief!
Have been out sick the last two weeks (finally went to the dr and ended up needing a z pack for sinus infection & bronchitis, good times) so I haven’t been commenting (or running, or doing much of anything apart from daily survival mode requirements!) but I have been reading. I’m so happy BLP Live was a success, that you’re done with call for 2024, and am rooting for you in the final push of marathon training. You’re got this!
thank you so much Elizabeth! AHHHHGHGH to sickness. I hope you feel better soon and that the Z pack works its magic quickly!!
Thank you so much! I actually finished my z pack on Monday and it definitely helped but wasn’t the quick relief I’ve had in the past. Who knows why? Anyhow—today marks 2 full weeks since I felt sick and I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ll be able to workout by this weekend I hope.
Meanwhile, we got hit by the bomb cyclone last night (we live just north of Seattle.) Our house seems fine, thankfully, and now just hoping we get power restored before too long (we’re at 12 hours and counting now.) Would hate to have to toss the contents of our freezer, which includes 3 homemade pies I’d made for Thanksgiving and Christmas…
How much did it cost to get the estate planning done?
Approx ~3K (have no idea if that’s high or low or how complex our stuff is compared to average)!
We got extensive quotes when we started our estate planning in pre-pandemic 2020. In the DC area, prices ranged from 2K-5K for straightforward estate planning (including trusts). Higher prices correlated with larger firms with more overhead while the lower prices were solo attorneys who answered their phone themselves. Getting a special needs trust, which we needed because of our daughter’s disabilities, cost more because it’s more specialized than a standard set of docs, and some firms put a higher mark up on them. Although pricing will have certainly gone up since then, I know in our case our attorney charged 2K for standard docs and wanted 2.5K to include a special needs trust. By the time we actually completed the process (in 2023, 3 years after we started), the attorney wanted 3K.
Ours has been $3500 and then we asked one more question so it may end up closer to $4K. We got wills, medical directives, trusts, and power of attorney documents made for each of us, and went with someone who charged her hourly rate. I also got quotes for lawyers charging a flat fee, closer to $5K. It’s truly a range but is not, as my husband had wishfully thought, a $300-$400 expense. (We live in Washington state, fwiw.)
That’s awesome! We also need to do this, but I keep putting it off because I don’t have anyone to take care of our child if something were to happen to us. I’m an only child, my husband’s siblings aren’t an option, and I don’t know how you ask this of a friend. It’s such a monumental ask. Did your attorney have any advice about this piece? Or anyone else have suggestions?
My wife and I are the go-tos for three different friends and my sister–seven kids in all. I don’t think it’s weird to ask it of a friend, especially one who cares about you and your kid. We thought of it as an honor, and try to be part of the kids lives–primarily because we like the kids and their parents so we’d do it anyway, but also in case the worst happens we want them to feel comfortable with us! The odds of any of them needing us are thankfully so low. It helps if you can tell the person you’re asking you have life insurance and a trust set up so they’ll be able to make the necessary life changes to meet the kid’s needs.
I have been asked by a friend and was comfortable with the potential responsibility. They asked when their first was born and they explained why they felt their families were not appropriate (older parents on one side and different values on the other). This is a friend I’ve known since my teen years so I also know their families and can understand their perspective. I am comfortable that they have all the other stuff in place (life insurance, good financial habits) that mean that we would be able to focus on meeting the childrens needs. I’m a planner by nature so knowing that was really important for me as part of my consideration. I also spend a lot of time with them so have developed relationships with them as they have grown.
Everyone is going to be different and not everyone could be comfortable with it. I think outlining your reasons and potential implications and having an honest discussion is the starting point.
We’ve been through this, and asked a friend. Actually, via text message if you’d believe it since we don’t see each other that often and that’s how we normally communicate! They were incredibly lovely about it.
I’m an only child, my husband’s siblings are much older, so we asked distant cousins and they were really happy to do it. The distant cousins asked their older kids their opinion as they were revisiting their wills, and they said they’d prefer to go to us rather than closer relations. I suspect a friend has put us down without formerly telling us on the basis of “what are they going to do? send her to foster care?”.
You could also consider one of your parents, if you would be comfortable with them. I strongly recommend you at least name someone, and ideally a back up, and ask those people. If the worst happens, the alternative is either 1) one of your brother’s siblings ends up with your child as next of kin; 2) your child ends up in the foster care system; or 3) your parents fight with your partner’s parents (or some other version of family contesting) in the legal system for who gets custody.
I’m guessing that when you consider those alternatives, there’s someone who comes to mind as preferable. Ask them, make it clear that they can say no, and if they do, ask someone else. It’s a huge thing to ask, yes, but also unlikely to come to that. But if it does…you want to have someone designated. It’s an unpleasant responsibility of being a good parent.
Good luck! You can do this!
Congratulations!!!! That’s huge! Um… my husband and I still have not done this. But your post is motivating me to have a conversation with him about it. We’re both not great about things that don’t have a hard deadline. But this is important- I’m very happy for you that you got it done!
Good for you. Estate planning is on my to-do list.