so happy

April 30, 2010

hear anything? if you do, it’s probably the extremely loud and satisfying sigh of relief coming through your computer screen. while a small fraction of my brain has been devoted to usual business (work, running, and managing the odds ‘n’ ends of life), there has been a white bear taking up much of the real estate in my frontal cortex over the last few months.

why white bear? well, try not to think of a white bear. the picture above probably doesn’t help your cause, but i think you get my drift.

as you may have gathered from the post title, we finally got some (wonderful!) news, and therefore i get to come clean about what the stress was all about!

background: josh and i did start medical school together (that’s where we met!), but because i spent an extra year doing research (aka: dropping out of the md/phd program) we haven’t been ‘in sync’ since. meaning: every time one of us has had to apply for the next step, in order to stay in the same geographic location, we’ve had only two options: one dark blue and one light.

first it was josh’s residency (surgery).
then it was my residency (pediatrics).
then it was my fellowship (pediatric endocrinology).
and this (final!) time, it was his fellowship (vascular surgery).

it doesn’t help that we are both drawn to subspecialties . . . small and specific subspecialties for which there is only 1 fellow (at most) per year accepted at each institution! this time, we felt really trapped. i had been lucky enough to get the fellowship of my dreams, locking me into 3 more years at this institution. but now? it was his turn . . . and as hard as it was for me to snag a peds endo spot, vascular surgery is a far more competitive field to be aiming for.

even as we both fervently hoped he would get to stay in this area, josh wanted to keep his options open. he interviewed at multiple programs in north carolina and virginia, and even looked at a few in philadelphia, since my parents are there. every time he went on a trip to interview, i had a panicky sense of doom come over me.

i kept thinking: WHAT IF HIS ONLY OPTION WAS TO GO AWAY!? would i stay here? would we be a long-distance couple, traveling back and forth constantly and seeing each other only on weekends!? would it mean years of delay before starting a family? would he end up working 75 minutes away, leaving us both with massive commutes? would i (could i? should i?) abandon my own career to follow him?? after all, his job is going to be far more lucrative, and i want to work part-time someday anyway . . .

i even started entertaining wild scenarios such as quitting medicine to become a writer — or maybe a consultant for grey’s anatomy (god knows they could use my help). but really, these thoughts were not very realistic, and the truth is that even though i despise call and the hours, in general I LIKE MY JOB — and i especially think i will love it once i am doing endocrinology full time.

of course, josh interviewed at the local institutions, but it was really hard to tell where he stood. time was running out — it’s complicated, but we knew that if they didn’t give him an answer by may 5th, he would have to decide to either enter a match process (with his only options being AWAY from this area) or to abandon HIS career hopes and dreams. no matter how many times i rehashed all of the alternative options, i could not find any answer that was acceptable to both of us.


orla may give me a kick . . .

and loyo makes me smile.

but those things pale compared to the importance that this guy has in my life.

being with him is what makes me truly happy.
and last night, we got the amazing news that josh got the spot that we were both going nearly crazy about hoping for. we will get to pursue the career paths that we both have chosen for ourselves, and we will never be forced to make this kind of heart-wrenching choice ever again.

congratulations baby — you are amazing and you deserve it!!!

happy friday, INDEED.
also, ps: thank you all for (white) bearing with me over the past few weeks!! i appreciate all the support even if i had been rather cryptic about everything. it felt lovely to finally explain myself this morning. hooray!


  • Reply hjlongmo March 10, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    This post made me smile so much! I really love that photo of you two and am so glad that everything worked out!

  • Reply Allie (Live Laugh Eat) March 10, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    ASKDAHWIRJAL:SKJFKSALHEOWILR YAYAYYAYAY!!!!! CONGRATS JOSH!!!!! What a load off your shoulders. I was getting all hyped up reading the beginning of your post thinking "oh no!! NO!! NOOOOO!!!" at all your less than ideal scenarios.


  • Reply Ashley March 10, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    Congrats to both of you!

  • Reply marathonmaiden March 10, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    awesome news!! i&#39m breathing a sigh of relief too. this post was great to read. congrats to josh! enjoy the weekend 🙂

  • Reply Chelsea March 10, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    So happy for you guys!!!!!! I was imagining it was something like that. I spend a lot of summers plus the 4 months before I got married 1800 miles away from my husband, and I wouldn&#39t do it again. So tough. I can&#39t even imagine facing years of it.

  • Reply Anonymous March 10, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    I&#39m so so happy for you! You two seem like such a great couple and this is so well-deserved! A big congratulations to Josh, too!

  • Reply pen March 10, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    CONGRATS to Josh (and you)! That&#39s fantastic news! Enjoy your next few years (at least) in the triangle! 🙂

    The only question…are you both going to be at the right (dark) blue institution? Or is he switching over to the dark side (with a lighter blue)?

  • Reply Anonymous March 10, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    I am SO SO happy for you guys! I had hypothesized that this was what you had been stressed about as well. Celebrate out this weekend!

  • Reply rosasharona March 10, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    that&#39s great news! what a relief…
    it was meant to be 😀

  • Reply atilla March 10, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    BB and I cried when we read your post.We&#39re so happy for you both and us too!

  • Reply BroccoliHut March 10, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    SO happy for you, Sarah:)

  • Reply cara March 10, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    So glad you and Josh are set for the next few years! 🙂 And… NO MORE MATCHES EVER FOR YOU GUYS!!!!

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