in between day care drama and gawking at my own rapidly changing body [seriously? it’s so weird!], i have been thinking about my daily routines. specifically . . .
✔ what they look like now
✔ what they used to look like
✔ what i would love to change
✔ what things will be like in the future
an unrealistic wish list
perfectionistic habits die hard.
an unlabeled list, which could be called “goals for a perfect life“, or more accurately, “ways in which i currently fail to live up to my own expectations daily“
i’m not sure where this wish list came from: apparently i want to be a modern day blend of donna reed + kara goucher? basically, i want to have the energy to work a full-time job but also live up to the standards of Ms. Perfect Housewife, who would theoretically have all day to sculpt her abs, scrub the kitchen, and whip up a nice roast.
apparently, there was a time when i used to pull together some semblance of the above — during residency, no less! don’t believe me? i have evidence: just as an example, on april 28, 2009, i went to a full day of work [i believe i was in the acute-care clinic at the time], came home, ran 6 miles, studied for 45 minutes, and ‘threw together’ some martha stewart cod with leeks and tomatoes along with some white bean/carrot/pepper salad.
contrast with october 6, 2011, when i came home from a full day in the lab only to promptly land on the couch with desperate housewives, a frozen burrito, and the rest of this:
i don’t even know what i’m trying to say with all this! clearly, i would love to have some of my own mojo back. my energy is sometimes better now that i am in the 2nd tri, but other times [like last night], not so much. still, i feel like i should be able to do more. and what terrifies me further is that if i can hardly hold it together now, how will i be able to function with a slew of new responsibilities [you know, like another life!?].
i guess only time will tell . . . and every day is a new chance to try again. i’ll let you all know how it goes . . .
i finally succumbed!