this month, one of the topics for the huggies/blogher series was to write about that first positive pregnancy test, and how that led to calling the doctor and scheduling a visit.
the prompt sounded simple enough. but immediately, i was flooded with memories of that fateful test and the days leading up to it. the jubilant rush of emotions. the sheer shock and disbelief. my initial thought that OBVIOUSLY, the test was broken because i couldn’t possibly had made two lines appear on that vast expanse of white that i was so used to seeing.
i have to admit that calling the OB was the furthest thing from my mind. obviously i made it there eventually, but i wanted to share a bit more about the days leading up to that positive: my last 2-week wait.
for those that don’t regularly read this blog, my experiences with trying-to-conceive were a long drawn out 2.5-year battle with my body. i was incredibly lucky in the end in that i only had to use oral medications [letrozole] to finally coax my ovaries into action, but it took months and months before i finally made lifestyle changes that i believe were paramount in bringing that lucky egg front and center [you can read more about my issues here, and for the full story see the TTC page].
so anyway, here goes! i hope that most of you reading this have no idea what this is:
for the fortunate uninitiated, the above shot shows an ovulation test strip — and the smiley face is a positive! i cannot tell you how many negatives i saw before this happy icon greeted me one morning. the june 2011 cycle wasn’t the ONLY time i ever ovulated, but it was one out of just a handful of times. by then, i was already 2.5 years into my infertility journey and nearly a year into medicated cycles. seeing the face filled me with hope — but also with dread. i was so used to being disappointed and it seemed to hurt more and more every time.
still, i kept on keeping on. went to yoga, which i was heavily into at the time. in fact, a browse through my computer’s photo archives indicates that i was doing this the day after that positive ovulation test:
hmm, interesting. i was also doing some of this:
on what felt like my 928th 2 week wait, i had given up staying completely alcohol-free. [there’s no good evidence to suggest that a drink during this time would harm the fetus, after all.]
i remember eating this raw milk cheese at a dinner party we hosted at our house, hoping that it would be my last chance to do so.
however, just days into my last two week wait, i started to notice . . .things. i was hot and my heart rate seemed elevated. my face was slightly puffy and flushed [see below — from this vantage point, it’s actually OBVIOUS to me that i’m pregnant in that picture! but i only had hope at the time.]
and most notably, i remember feeling a sharp, twitchy pain in my pelvis on monday, july 18th 2011. i was at our long monday meeting at work, and i can even remember exactly where i was sitting. THAT HAD TO BE IMPLANTATION, RIGHT?! after months and months of googling early pregnancy symptoms, i finally had one that was convincing!
and as it turned out . . .
yep, i was right! i found out on what would have otherwise been an ordinary friday morning, right before work. i’ve written about it before, but i’ll never be able to describe the insane cocktail of emotions that took over as soon as i saw that faint, FAINT second line.
as you can imagine, i eventually came to my senses and scheduled a visit to the reproductive endocrinologist so that i could have my blood tested. and you all know the story ended well [very, very well]. i hope i never forget the experiences of the day i finally got what i had dreamed of for so long.
Check out the Huggies Mommy Answers Facebook app and find more posts from bloggers sharing their experiences of motherhood on the Huggies page on BlogHer.com.
12 Comments
I just found your blog through This Runner’s Trials – I love your openness with infertility – it helps me feel like I’m not alone! As someone who has gone through almost the exact same journey as you, I’m one year (and one miscarriage) into medicated ovulation…you give me hope that my good day will come some day too!
Congrats on your beautiful baby girl!
I will never ever forget the day I found out I was pregnant. The nurses from my fertility clinic called with the results of my blood pregnancy test. (We did IVF, so the call was 2 weeks post embryo transfer). I was in a meeting at work, saw their number pop up on my cell phone, and I RAN out to answer. My two fav nurses called me on speaker phone and were cheering and yelling "Congratulations! Your Pregnant!" Best. Feeling. Ever.
This makes me so happy for you all over again… Especially knowing Annabel now!
I’d had really awful PMS symptoms at the end of my 2ww, but I hung in there (I had to wait 17 days after taking the Odvidrel to test) and was feeling hopeful when I still hadn’t gotten my period and was waking up 5 times a night to pee. Finally it was test day, but I had to pee at 3am. I didn’t to waste the first catch, but I knew that no matter what the result was, I probably wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep after. I was shaking while I waited all 10 seconds to get the positive result (I used to stare at those negatives for 10 minutes hoping that something would change). I was so so so so happy, but part of me couldn’t believe it. I’d never had a positive anything – even an ovulation test- before. I went in and woke up Daniel to tell him, and, needless to say we were both up for the rest of the day!
Your story gives me hope. I have been sad, feeling like my hands are tied, but at the same time wondering if there is more I need to do (gain a little more weight, do only low intensity workouts, etc.) it’s so frustrating and I just feel so lost. Thanks for being so open with your journey.
I’ll never forget the feeling of seeing positive pregnancy tests! And I still remember when you got yours. Still so happy for you!
Thank you so much for posting this so openly and honestly! I’ve been reading your blog for awhile, and really identified with you since I’m in medicine…but now also because I am anovulatory after stopping my BCP in January and was diagnosed with PCOS last Friday (I, too, am well within normal BMI and am now wondering if I should limit my exercise). I spent a lot of time this weekend reading your old posts about TTC, and it’s so helpful to know that someone else has been through this journey, stuck it out, and was successful in the end! I even made my husband read this post so he could have a better idea of what we will be facing in the near future as we begin to seek treatment. Thanks again! Also, you daughter is ridiculously cute.
I’ll be catching up on the huggies posts tonight, but first congrats! I remember that moment of seeing that second line on the wondfo. I was so crazy excited. Literally the night before I was drinking wine at a girls event for What to Expect (the film). lol
Two lines of the poem and enduring concept of the lessons are very important and necessary. It is the right and considered form of the triumph. It is considered for the betterment and ensured nature.it is skillful and ascertained. It is central and pertinent.
as someone who is interested in ob/gyn and rei as a career, i love this post!
I think that googling "Early pregnancy symptoms" is going to be the death of me! I’m driving myself crazy each month!
Maybe I have a dirty mind, but when I read "I was also doing this" and saw the picture of Josh I interpreted it to mean something different than drinking beer… :blushes: Maybe it is just that English is not my first language! 🙂