i realize that my fantasy day-in-the-life post from last week was somewhat depressing. as always, i appreciated your feedback. as i alluded to yesterday, i’ve been in a bit of a funk. sweating over small things, to be cliché about it, and sort of slogging through the days. a brief analysis of the causes:
✔ way too much viral (*#$@. in annabel’s body and in mine. it wasn’t even just the annoying symptoms, but i was just so tired of being tired and operating at half-strength. it made me really feel for those with chronic illnesses, as all i could think of was getting OUT of that state and i can’t imagine what it would be like if you didn’t know an end was going to come eventually.
✔ inconsistent running, because of the above. what can i say: endorphins are my natural SSRI.
✔ josh working a horrendous amount. even getting called into a case while I was on call. feeling like a single mom at times. feeling lonely.
✔ work stress. things were incredibly busy in the beginning of the month and i feel like i’m just finally beginning to catch up.
✔ too many transitions for annabel. switching to cups. ending our breastfeeding relationship [sad in a way, but i think we were both ready]. starting to toddle around*! and so much more communication**. putting her to bed has been so sad and often stressful as the only way i knew before was to kiss her and put her down after breastfeeding. it worked like a charm, and now. . . the crutch is gone, and it’s been hard for both of us. but i think we may be making some progress.
today was almost fantasy. the specifics:
➤ neither a nor i have significant viral symptoms. her nose is running, but that’s pretty much a constant.
➤ i didn’t get paged last night despite being on call, and woke up well-rested
➤ i enjoyed at least 20 minutes to myself in the morning with coffee and breakfast
➤ a woke up in a good mood and we played, and then i took her on a stroller run [4 miles, ave 9:14/mi]
➤ i sneakily came home to shower after dropping her off at day care, and it worked out beautifully
➤ i wore a relatively cute outfit to work [this dress, which is now 3 years old but not too dated. yet. also, i am sort of impressed that it fits.]
➤ it was a balanced clinical day — enough to do so that i was never bored, but nothing overwhelming. 2 consults. a few follow-ups. a smattering of pages — with the last one coming in at 3 pm.
➤ josh and i got to meet for lunch in the caf!
➤ i’m not on call tonight, so i signed off at 5 and left.
➤ a was in a happy mood when i picked her up. we read books together and practiced identifying everything she can identify [it’s not that long of a list]
➤ she ate dinner with gusto [pork loin with chimichurri sauce, roasted broccoli, lima beans/black eyed peas, and cornbread]. oh, and i didn’t cook said dinner. we got meals from foster’s again for the week.
➤ she went to sleep WITHOUT crying! after we finished reading, i sang her a little song, put her down, and kissed her good night. she didn’t instantly fall asleep, but she never fussed.
➤ [perhaps the most miraculous . . .] i just got a text [at 7:48 pm] that josh is leaving in 10 minutes.
nothing is perfect, but today came incredibly close.
* she will take 8-10 steps at a time now! ahhhhhh! and the number seems to be increasing every day.
** current word list [things she will identify and say in context]:
DOHH [meaning: no. she will say this when she knows she is doing something bad.]
“oosh” [meaning: shoe]
fish [her newest word]
bah-pah [meaning: bottle, although i haven’t been giving her any so she hasn’t had the opportunity recently]
‘woof woof’ [most frequently uttered. sometimes appropriately, many times not.]
bahhh [for sheep]
ooohhh [moo, for a cow]
rahhhh [a growl, for lion]
mama [only once in a while]
dada [meanings: banana OR josh, although they sound different]. on video with her favorite fruit: