August 31, 2013

[this is my 2nd time writing this post, which PAINS me, but i wanted to share some things]

1. i have been tracking my time.  and it has been instructive.  i have noticed:

     a) i need to beat myself up less for being unable to ‘do it all.’  i am not superwoman or even supermom, and that is okay:  it is what it is.   i can still be pretty awesome even if i do not get to spend hours of idle time with annabel every day, or if i continue to need a break on weekends despite this.  the end.

     b) i need to be better about making sure my plans match my values.  for example, this meal was good:

. . . but it was not worth 90 minutes of prep/cleanup.  note to self: be realistic.
     c) my use of leisure time sucks.  classic example: spending an hour in the kitchen, uncomfortably perched on a chair, reading a [rather juicy and interesting, but still] facebook thread on my phone because i didn’t feel like cleaning up.
not relaxing.  not satisfying.  i can do better.
brief report of my first ‘mother’s helper’ experience
i chose 17-year old m. from care.com because she sounded experienced, honest, and sweet — and i am happy to report that in person, she was all 3 and then some.  annabel was up at 6:15 am, so i was with her from then until 10, when m. arrived.  after that, i enjoyed a glorious 3 hours of:
— an uninterrupted shower
— over an hour of study time
— organizing important files [HAD to be done . . . but wasn’t getting done].
i stepped in for strategic moments: lunch, diaper change, nap prep.  m. played with annabel nonstop the whole time, and thoroughly tired her out for naptime — she’s sleeping now.  i felt guilty until i realized that i was just basically replacing JOSH when he is on call.  not his fault – just the reality of how things are!  and this is a great solution.  i think i have finished feeling bad about it.
i think that with time, i will be comfortable leaving annabel alone with m. for things like a yoga class or a haircut.  and in the meantime, i will enjoy getting some actual relaxation during her nap rather than rushing around trying to get everything done in span of 2 hours [if i’m lucky!].
rest o’ the weekend
filled with playdates, family time, and another babysitting trial [long-term, my plan is to do this just once per weekend when one of us is on call, but i wanted to get some potential candidates on my roster!].  
happy labor day to all!
a’s new favorite toy
new blinged-out kicks
[catching her in a photo NOT as a blur = true challenge at this particular stage]

 my office . . . can you spot the coolest stapler ever?!  
i gaze at it happily every time i go near my desk.