seriously, you all are the best.
your thoughts and comments were so uplifting, and so many good suggestions.
this weekend was . . . well, it had its ups and downs. one sobbing session [saturday] and one pretty good day [today!]. i still don’t really feel like myself but did have an enjoyable day today. despite what it may seem like, annabel is a total delight right now and just a warm, snuggly, sweet girl that seems to be absorbing the world like a sponge.
while running late this afternoon, i started brainstorming a list of things that have been bringing me down and possible plans of attack.
negative things: a list
feeling like i have no time [or energy] left for leisure/myself
fretting about studying for boards
missing friends from NC/ feeling alone
feeling like i’m not sure what to do with my time [when i’m w/ a] because i lack the social networks and structure that was built into living in a city surrounded by friends and activities that we were used to
fatigue
feeling sluggish [and guilty] about rather poor eating habits this entire pregnancy
freaking out about howAMiGOINGtoDOthis with 2
potential solutions
need to plan ahead and schedule out weekends better so i have places to be
need to hire babysitter so that i can do some studying on weekends when josh is on call, and plan on spending extra time at work on weekends when i am on call just studying
going to bed earlier. and getting up EARLIER to reclaim some me-time in the mornings?! [or maybe just getting more sleep. maybe some days of each.]
calling or writing the friends/family that i miss. planning trips.
eating better [less processed $*&@# and white carbs, more protein/veg/real food] for the poor baby’s sake
talking to a professional about everything. [i think i am going to give it a little time first, but if things do not improve very soon then i am definitely going this route.]
ACTION STEPS:
try to seek out babysitter [family or otherwise] for one afternoon next weekend [josh is on call again] for targeted study time. i can even just hide upstairs with my textbooks
make other plans for next weekend so i’m not floundering around
try to be in bed by 9 every weeknight.
– – – – – and with that, i’m out! – – – – – –
will leave you with 3 pix [well, 2 pix and a screen shot]:
5 Comments
I’ve been following your blog for about a year now. It seems to me that you really need to get a permanent babysitter or nanny lined up well before you have your second baby. My situation was very tough for awhile but I made an unpopular and financially difficult decision to work part time and it saved my life. No question. If you can’t yet work part time you need to do the next best thing and work on finding good help right away. Seeing a therapist is also good but practical changes will go a long way to making you feel better. I love how you came to some clear decisions. Taking control always gives one a boost.
You’re such an inspiration! I don’t have any advice on the baby/family front, but all I can say is that to a budding doctor, you give me hope that I can have a truly fulfilling life, within and outside work 🙂
Also, you’re a champ for running at any speed in that heat. I can barely crack 9:30/mile when I run in an air conditioned gym with a treadmill
Early morning me time is great if you can pull it off. But yes, get a sitter for a few hours on the weekend. Not just to study. To go have leisure time to yourself.
We wound up switching to a nanny from daycare once we had two. It was cost competitive, and there was just a huge mental load benefit to not having to get the kids ready in the morning (dressed, packed bags, packed bottles) too. With two that close in age they’ll entertain each other so you don’t have to worry about socialization.
Agree with all above…and yes, you are super-woman—and so darn cute with your mini-bump. I feel hypocritical urging you to get professional help when I can’t bring myself to figure it out myself—but maybe you can inspire me to get moving on that—I’ve heard its extremely helpful. And yes, babysitting is key if Josh is working a lot on weekends. I think having some time to study will help you feel better about the boards. I am grateful that I was pregnant with my FIRST when I took the boards so I didn’t have to figure out studying logistics as much.
Gently saying this: you sound like me when I was in the 2nd tri of my recent pregnancy. For me it turned out to be a raging case of antepartum anxiety soothed only by therapy and meds. I spent several weeks convincing myself I was OK when I clearly wasn’t. This may not be the case for you at ALL, just putting it out there.
You are so totally gorgeous!! Love the itty bitty bump :).