i had asked josh to take a picture of the bump, because i wanted to prove to the online world that I AM HUUUUUUGE. huge for 20.5 weeks, anyway — for comparison, here i am at 24 weeks last time — definitely bigger now! and then annabel ran into the frame and did her version and the picture was upgraded times a million.
second, i have a confession to make.
well, not really a confession, but sometimes it feels that way. as you all know, i used to cook. [and someday, i will again!]. but last week we enjoyed:
— salmon, brussels sprouts, and brown rice
— jerk chicken [spicy, with indian flavors!] with sweet potatoes and broccoli
— whole wheat pasta with meat sauce + salad
— cajun shrimp with mixed vegetables
and i made exactly none of it, nor did i clean up. our nanny happens to be a great cook and has been hitting the kitchen during the hours that a. is at ‘school’ and during her naptime. i don’t know if she will be able to continue to work this magic once #2 arrives, but it is amazing for right now. instead of spending 7:15 – 9 cooking/eating/cleaning up, i actually enjoyed some down time each evening last week.
i feel conflicted about enjoying this, and about admitting it here, because i fear coming off as spoiled or privileged. after all, josh and i have worked hard to finally have careers that allow us to do this kind of thing, and we continue to do so [day #6 of #7 of my call week – whew!]. yet many others who also work extremely hard do not reap such tangible rewards. and in an age where martyrdom seems to be the badge of honor for moms of young kids, both working and at-home, this is perhaps an admission of defeat. but the thing is: more and more, i just feel like i’d rather opt out of the game altogether. enjoy my child [and soon, children]. enjoy my marriage. enjoy my limited time on this earth.
which means not wasting time feeling guilty.
what i have not done — yet — is actually do anything productive with my newfound time. such as study, with my board exam getting alarmingly close [something like 5 weeks to go. aughgh!]. at the same time, i have several completely unrelated things i really want to do:
nagging tasks and projects
[some fun, some . . . not so fun]
✔ organize clothes upstairs — right now maternity-wear is jumbled with form-fitting garments. this drives me crazy every morning, and i’m tired of staring at clothes that i won’t be getting into for at least
four six months or more.
✔ attack digital clutter. files on my aging [but still functional] mac laptop are just all over the place. in preparation for an upgrade in a year or so, i need to get the digital mishmash under control.
✔ update music collection on phone. i cleaned out and updated the podcasts, but the music on there is still what i put on about a year ago and i am desperate for a new mix of songs!
also need to consider spotify for iPhone [anyone have it?]. i do like owning albums but the whole try-before-you-buy thing has its merits.
✔ get a list of good restaurants to try near us! any locals!? we’re in miami beach — in mid-beach, between south and north. there isn’t much to speak of right near us, but i’ve enjoyed a few good dinners in south beach and the design district [we love CATCH and michael’s genuine]. if you have any recommendations of places OR sites to look at for recommendations, please share!
not terribly ambitious, right?
I think it’s great that your Nanny can help! I nannied for a couple for a year in college. The husband was working on his PhD while also working as a software consultant, the wife taught college part time with a newborn and two yr old. I took the mindset that anything I could do to make their hectic lives easier— I’d do. No guilt, no judgement — you look out for what’s best for you and your family!
Also, the pic of you and Ms. A is just too cute. If having a nanny helps more of those moments happen — all the more power to you.
I understand the guilt…I feel guilty because I’m a single, childless resident and I have a housekeeper. But we’re fortunate to work in a field that rewards us for our hard work, so why not do the things (like have nannies and housekeepers) that make our lives more enjoyable and fulfilled? Martyrdom doesn’t help anyone.
So well put. Re: martyrdom: I feel like it takes two for the whole I-feel-judged! look-how-hard-I-work! validate-me! dynamic to really work (me + "them") so if I just stop caring about how the rest of the world might perceive me, the whole house of cards falls apart. It *really doesn’t matter in the end*. Like you say, enjoy your family, enjoy your career, enjoy your LIFE, and don’t waste any time feeling guilty about having things that other people might not have. From reading your blog I can see you have a good perspective on a lot of things, which is good, and what really matters. Feeling guilty never got anyone anywhere.
Oh my goodness – cutest picture ever!! Just had to say and you look amazing! I’m almost 15 weeks myself with my first and was a up a few lbs from my happy weight at the starting point. At this point, (although I’m so very grateful) I’m feeling so unattractive and "thick". I was reading through some of your posts with Annabel and am happy to know I’m not the only one who struggled/is struggling with this!
That is awesome that your nanny is able to assist in a way that gives you so much needed and deserved down time in the evenings. Nothing wrong with that! You have worked HARD to get where you are!!
Love love the pic! Too cute!
Just wanted to chime in on the cooking discussion…I mean, you are privileged. I don’t mean that meanly, but as a white, upper middle class, highly educated (with one of you not even having med school loans) family, you are most certainly afforded privileges in society that others do not have. That doesn’t take away from your hard work, or mean that you don’t deserve nice things. I think the problem a lot of people have when they throw around "privileged" like its an insult is that the person doesn’t realize how good they have it and often entirely takes credit for their circumstance (assuming since they woke up on third they must have hit a triple, so to speak). So as long as you A) recognize your privilege/how lucky you are, B) understand that it is a combination of luck, circumstance, and some hard work to get you where you are now, and C) recognize that just because someone doesn’t have the same things as you doesn’t mean they’ve worked any less hard…I don’t think you need to feel guilty.
Well said. I think I have a healthy perspective but always important to keep it that way.
Best photo-bomb ever! Love this pic!
I was much bigger much earlier w/#2 as well (18 mo. apart) Guess it’s that whole ab muscle thing (but then, you know that!)
You guys seem to be settling in well now, enjoy the good eats when/where you can get them!
Such a cute picture with A! Another thing to think about is that, while your nanny is helping you in a lot of ways, you’re helping her by being a good employer… I’ve never been there, but The Rusty Pelican is supposed to be very good.
That picture is hilarious, and you look AMAZING. 100% agree on recognizing, and then basking in, your good fortune. There isn’t enough time on earth for anything else. You will never look back and regret having your nanny cook meals for you so that you could relax/nurture your marriage/focus on your child. Never.
But, seriously dude, those nagging tasks, like de-cluttering/organizing photos/etc…? You can shove them out of your head for a while. I’ve been doing it for years and it hasn’t affected my happiness one bit. I always thought it was SO ODD that Gretchen Rubin "made herself" organize pictures for 15 minutes a day, even on vacation. Not for me.
Love that pic of you and Annabel! She is so adorable! It was great to see her and Josh yesterday but we missed you! So great that your nanny cooks so well – enjoy it! Yes, you are lucky but you are using your precious free time to spend quality time with your kid and do things for yourself…very important! We went to Oak Tavern in the Design District this weekend and LOVED it! It is a beautiful space and food is delish! I saw someone recommended Barton G. We went there once and hated it. Over the top, super loud, terrible service…very South Beach. Good for a bachelorette party or something but not recommended for a quite date night! I also highly recommend Juvia if you haven’t been there. Pricey but probably the most beautiful, romantic spot in Miami.
I love spotify on my Iphone! Go for it!
The dinners sound amazing – good for you Sarah! Enjoy, and no guilt. 🙂
Love the pic!
How about doing a destination marathon in 2015 and come run Copenhagen with me?
Love that picture of A. I am huge this time around too. It’s crazy. I’m bigger now at 12w than I was at 16w last time. HOW does that happen?!
Now you know (a little bit) what it’s like to have a WIFE. Did Josh suffer endless guilt when you were cooking all those meals, and taking care of your home, and booking babysitters, and making date night plans? Hmmm… I’m guessing… No. He just gobbled it up as his right. Probably didn’t even think about it.
Everyone needs a "wife." Enjoy – guilt free. You can afford it. You deserve it. I think you need permission. I grant you permission.
P.S. Cutest photo bomb I’ve ever seen. That’s going in the photo montage for the rehearsal dinner – or whatever technology exists in the future – maybe 3D Holographic surround-sound imaging.
NO guilt! Enjoy what you work so hard for. I have help with cleaning the house (a deep clean) every 4-6 weeks and it’s my favorite thing in the world. A little help when things are tough is nothing to be ashamed about. PS- that pic of you and A is adorable!
Do not feel guilty. Not for a second. You’ve worked very hard to get where you are now. Another thing: you’re providing employment for another person, so enjoy your free time.
Stop feeling guilty! I have a housekeeper that comes once a week and it’s the best money I spend all week. And if she cooked? I’d consider my life perfect. 🙂
You work hard and have a child and another on the way. People with far less going on have help.
Love your comments on privilege and guilt. I have this ridiculous feeling like I’ll have failed if we get a cleaner, despite the fact that I am a TERRIBLE cleaner, I don’t like it, even doing the basics on a normal weeknight takes from about 8-9:30 leaving not much time for the non-basics, and that I then stress about squashing it all into the weekends, when we’d rather get our runs in and have family time. And I could learn to garden!
I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt lately as I *choose* to work for various reasons which do include continuing to enjoy our lifestyle, which is privileged without being luxurious (we own an OK house, get to spend $200 without stress, don’t eat out much but buy plenty of flat whites and have enough to spend a small fortune at the Farmers Market, etc etc) and other people in my Mum group get by on so much less than even one of our salaries so they can stay home.
Martyrdom is overrated. Seriously.
Just love that copycat!! Annabel is very cute and I like the way she copied you. Just perfect and I just wanna wish you all the best wishes to have another baby peacefully. Thanks.
Best wishes, your daughter is beautiful
It”s hard to find well-informed people on this topic, however, you sound like you know what you”re talking about! Thanks