the other day, i took a little trip through my archives.
really, i just wanted to see how big my current baby bump is compared to last time around [answer: bigger. at least 4 weeks-worth.] but then i started to find it fascinating what i did with myself during the last pregnancy. in summary, it appears that:
✭ during the 1st tri, i laid on the couch a lot. i did go to work and continued running a few times a week, but reading between the lines it appears that i wasn’t functioning at a particularly high level.
[this time was the same. only harder.]
✭ second tri, i got my energy back — and i think it may have clicked that it was my last chance to really claim my time as my own. i started learning spanish. i implemented daily studying/academic reading. i read actual books! reading about my previously industrious spirit makes the current me both wistful and annoyed.
[this time i have yet to find this 2nd tri mojo. and at week 20, i’m starting to wonder where it is . . .]
✭ third tri, i may have been a bit more tired, but not too tired to
hyperfocus on every-little-detail of babybabyBABYYYYYYY that i could think of. shopping lists! to-do items! car seat safety! LABOR STORIES!
[this time . . who knows? i have a feeling i will NOT be anxious for delivery and will be really happy if in fact i end up overdue again. but only time will tell . . .]
honestly, i’ve been kind of a mess over the past several months. this time is just harder, for obvious reasons:
a) annabel [even though she makes life a million times brighter! i am not complaining, just noting that she requires a significant energy outlay]
c) new job
. . . so it’s not like i’m beating up on myself, really. just noting the differences. i’m not sure i really have that 2nd tri spark that i did last time, but i feel like i’m ready to get into gear a little bit. better eating habits [i know, i’m a broken record, but seriously. i can do better than i have been, and as a result might feel better]. better stress management. more purposeful relaxation.
in addition, josh and i also really need to work on reclaiming our identity as a couple, i think. we have both been so focused on WORK and HOUSE and getting this-and-that done that us time — and even thinking/focusing on the whole concept of US, which is important — has been shoved aside. we are operating on a ‘just-get-through-this’ rmentality – one i know well from the residency days. acting like things will get easier once we’re over the rainbow in some magical promised land.
except we already are over the rainbow, and this is the promised land. and everything is only going to get more complicated.
SO. it’s a new month. a new quarter of the year! by 2014, i’ll be swinging past third base into home plate of this pregnancy [would i be making this analogy if we were having a girl? gahh]. i’m always invigorated with the clean slate of a new year, but today i’m embracing this new month and this very important chapter of our lives.
onto october with intention, patience, and love.
[yes, i wrote this right after prenatal yoga. i still mean it!]
i did not get nearly enough grandma/grandpa pix from last week! guess they’ll just have to come back.