I find myself thinking in contrasts:
I don’t want Cameron to grow up because he is JUST SO CUTE AND SWEET right now // It will be so much fun when the kids are older and we can do more things together
I wish I had another day off with the kids today // I am glad to be busy at work and am excited to get back into my work routine
I want to get to work on time! // I am having such a nice time listening to this podcast in my car, even though I am stuck in traffic.
It’s amazing how many of these sorts of thoughts pop up, and yet NONE OF THEM EVEN REALLY MATTER. I mean, I can’t stop time. I cannot responsibly take an impromptu vacation day. I cannot control traffic. Or patient no-shows. Or the weather. Or politics. Or most things, really*.
As Tara Brach reminded me this morning, I can ask myself at any given moment: Can this be enough? And the answer is always yes. I can relax into the traffic jam, or the toddler meltdowns. I can settle in and just watch things unfold without being wedded to any particular outcome. This doesn’t mean a passive life — I can still plan for things, get things done, move forward. I am still going to work hard and do the best I can with my family, at work, and in life. But I can consciously let go of the things that aren’t up to me anyway and settle into what is.