1) Bedtime battles continue. AGHGHGH, out of the blue Cameron has seriously become a major challenge at night. (And he’s pretty crazy the rest of the time, too.) I am hoping that maybe camp will tire him out more!?
I am neither for nor against CIO – I think that each kid and family is different. But I think of it more as a method for babies, not 2 year olds. We had to limit/cut A’s nap around 3 — surely this isn’t already happening with C at 2 1/4?
For whatever reason, this is really really challenging and heartbreaking for me. I don’t want to end each day this way.
2) Work-related angst. I don’t usually write about these things, but why oh why are people so obsessed with how tall their (perfectly beautiful, brilliant, and healthy) children are going to be!? I actually ended up ranting and raving in my (5’8″, female) colleague’s office: WHAT have those inches actually gotten you in life that you wouldn’t have had otherwise? She couldn’t answer me.
Also I am sure that patients think perhaps that I don’t get it because I am short. They’re right! Because being not-even 5’1″ has had 0 negative impact on me. I realize that there are tougher societal pressures on boys, but not everyone can be 6′. /endrant.
3) Weekend plans.
I do not have things nearly as laid out as last weekend, but they may include:
– kids movie night (tonight)
– mall trip for Father’s Day shopping :). And possibly ear piercing for Annabel! She is asking for them . . . so why not?
– Flybarre
– the library!
– ice cream w/ kids
– “Give Away or Keep” (Annabel’s term for Kon-Mari-ing)
OFF TO RUN.
25 Comments
We’ve actually cut my son’s naps out this week, and he’s only 22 months. We were having horrible bedtimes as well, and he wasn’t going to sleep until 10pm even though we were putting him down around 7:30. And he was grumpy as anything for those few hours as well. He is going to bed (and to sleep) so much more easily now! I know it’s pretty young to be not napping but it looks like a positive shift so far.
I wonder with regards to the height thing, people mostly don’t want their kids to stand out too much? My husband is really tall, and Ted has always been above the 90th percentile for height so will probably be really tall too. I’d rather him be a more normal height! But I guess the difference is that I wouldn’t/couldn’t seek treatment for this. If only you could act offended every time someone implied there was something wrong with being short 😉
I always enjoy hearing snippets about your work, your field is so interesting to me! I have never met another adult as short as me (4’9") although I’d actually be 4’11" if I had spinal fusion surgery to correct scoliosis. I was teased a lot growing up but had the kind of personality where I was able to shake it off easily. And…character building! I do think it IS tougher for boys. My brother is 5’1" and it is tough in the dating world as many (most?) women won’t date a man who is shorter than them. My younger two boys are likely going to be pretty short and I wish they wouldn’t have to go through the merciless teasing but the bottom line is they’re healthy and they will be okay. I saw an endocrinologist in the 80s who tried to get my parents to put me on growth hormone and they were like…um, WHY? I feel the same way. I would never choose that for my boys even if they are going to wind up very short.
Sleep challenges really stink. I think kids go through them for all kinds of reasons (most of which we never figure out). Or maybe that is/was just my kids. They sleep great for a while and then regress for seemingly no reason then go back to sleeping fine for no reason I can determine. Summer can be tougher for my kids because it stays light out so much later and they are definitely light sensitive. I try to keep their rooms as dark as I can to combat that but nothing is as dark as winter.
How you handle sleep disturbances is clearly very personal. Different strategies for different families. At age 2 I did the silent return to bed every time they got out. I would do their bedtime routine (which is hard and fast in our house and changes exactly never. I am ridiculously rigid about this) and then close their door. But if I knew they were going through a phase where they were not being good about staying in bed I would sit on the floor outside their door. Every time they got out of bed I would walk in to their room and silently put them back to bed and leave again. Repeat 3,682 times. If they were staying in their bed and just screaming/trying to get attention I ignored them and never went in the room.
I don’t want to suggest this will work for everyone- because surely it won’t. But it has been what has worked for me in the past. Best of luck finding something that works for you. "This too shall pass." (even if it feels like it never will).
Door Monkey locks helped us— C could flail, couldn’t slam his fingers in the door, knew we could hear him, knew we’d only come back once….. and he fell asleep in front of the door a lot! But, it really shortened the duration of the tantrum. Still pull them out every now and then (and gave him a headlamp so he could ‘read’)
YES to the door monkey. We got one when my oldest was right at 2 and it saved us from endless bedtime drama. Two nights and we were back to normal, mostly happy bedtimes.
My son is 2-1/2, and we’ve had major bedtime struggles too. A lot of it we’ve chalked up to our recent new baby, but the majority of it was going on long before his sister arrived. He battles us on going to the potty, washing his hands, brushing his teeth, and majorly d-r-a-g-s out going to bed. Personally I don’t think my son is ready to give up his nap because he almost always goes down easily for that and regularly sleeps for 2 hours, but it could certainly be contributing to the problem. We’ve resorted to letting him cry a bit at bedtime because the alternative is that we stay in his room while he falls asleep (like he asks), but then he gets amped up while we’re in there and stays awake even later. We do go in every few minutes to comfort him if he’s still crying (and we usually give up if it doesn’t work after a few rounds), but usually he cries for only a couple minutes and then calms down. I’m not sure if he actually falls asleep then or is up for a while, but it’s quiet either way. We’ve talked about moving his bedtime back, at least temporarily while he’s still taking naps, but haven’t officially made the change. I agree — it really sucks to have a fun afternoon/evening and then end the day with frustrated tears and cries of "I want Mommy!" (especially if you’re doing the bedtime routine alone)
So to sum up… I have no suggestions. But I’m curious to hear what you try and what ends up helping. Hang in there!
Because being not-even 5’1" has had 0 negative impact on me.
What, like your stature didn’t derail your dream career of being a professional basketball player at the NBA? 😉
My fiance (male) is 5’4" and, while he is pretty short for his gender, I don’t think he would argue that it’s been impactful in any serious way. I think most people worry about dating, but he’s only ever dated women several inches taller than him. I’m 5’7" and I’m the shortest woman he’s been involved with seriously. 🙂 It was a bit funny for me to think about when we first started dating, but I don’t even notice it now. I think the one thing he does think about is career advancement… as I know I’ve read shorter men perhaps have a harder time getting promotions, etc. but it doesn’t seem to have been an issue for him as of yet. His whole family (mom and sisters) are even shorter and I’ve never heard them complain. Regardless, I don’t think it is the hang-up that some people worry it will be and I imagine it certainly would be frustrating to hear parents complain about otherwise healthy (but short) kids…
Honestly, we go through phases with the bedtime. I drive myself nuts trying to come up with solutions and then its worked itself out before I even implement anything. We definitely have more trouble with bedtime around the solstice, even with black out curtains (because they obviously KNOW it was sunny out before we came upstairs 5 minutes ago!). I wouldn’t drop the nap yet and just do the "quietly return to bed" thing (which is soul-crushing, I know, but maybe you can sit outside his room with a book and a glass of wine? At this age they are more susceptible to bribes, so I implement that almost daily (anyone who gets out of bed again does NOT get ice cream tomorrow, etc…) I’m sure its "wrong" but dang if it doesn’t work.
re: #2. Yeah, its weird. I get wanting the best for your kids (and I DO secretly and shamefully hope my kids’ height takes after my 6 foot tall husband rather than me), but on the other hand, what kind of message must it be sending to the KID when the parents take them to the doctor and insists on treatment as if something is "wrong" with them? Its got to be hurtful. So then they can say that the shortness is hurting their self-esteem, when in reality, perhaps the kids didn’t even care about their height until mom & dad started making a big deal out of it. At 5’3" I may be the tallest woman in our entire extended family, so I guess you can say I don’t fully get it.
#3: ear-piercing! SO FUN!!! (apparently the "thing to do" is to go to a reputable tattoo parlor for your kids’ ears—much cleaner & more professional than the teenage girl who welds the piercing gun at Claire’s). Father’s day present—OMG I have NO IDEA. I need to start thinking about this. I haven’t gotten a present in a few years and I ought to at least TRY.
Your comments on height were very interesting to me. I am the adult child of Indian immigrants and my mother (who is 5 ft 4and tall by Indian woman standards) was always going on about how short I was as a child and how terrible that was living in U.S. society. It made me feel self-conscious and terrible. Flash forward, I am 5ft 7 in, and obviously taller than the average American woman – Indian or not. I agree it’s no big deal. One of my daughters is very short and it bothers her – I remind her that good things come in small packages.
I do, however, believe height matter much more for men, as it plays into traditional views of masculinity. For women, it’s the opposite. People are much more likely to associate tall with masculine and small with feminine. (Not commenting on whether that’s okay or not – just thinking through the reaction). I once read that men over 6 ft and women under 5 ft 4 inch, are much more likely to be partnered than their peers.
We always seem to have some form of bedtime and/or night time drama or another and have tried lots of different things which generall work for a while (or not at all) but never permanently (including some sleep trading when she was younger). I hate it so much. My daughter is the happiest toddler you’ve ever seen aside from bedtime and naptime and I just don’t get it. She already stays up to almost 9 pm so I have a feel g she will drop her nap by 2. I am almost looking forward to it. I’d try cutting his nap short by an hour and see if it helps. You can go back in a day or two if it doesn’t. Good luck!
Our little one (same age as C) started bedtime crying/tantrum out of the blue 2 months ago. We kept up same routine, said goodnight and closed the door. The crying/screaming was 5 min max and often over in less than 30 seconds after the door was closed. It was over in a week or 2 & I think being consistent helped.
Right now I need a solution to her ignoring or outright defying requests for things she knows she has to do (stay at the table, get ready for bed, come when called at the park etc.).
No advice either, but my son is the same age and pulling similar shenanigans. Naps are such a struggle and have seriously shortened since transitioning to a toddler bed. Takes me like 45 minutes to get him to just nap for a little over an over. Yet, at daycare- 2 hours consistently- no issue at all. Lately, we’ve resorted to sitting on the floor next to his bed until he is almost asleep. Then we leave – he cries for a few minutes and that’s it. Unfortunately he’s been sick the past week, and we’ve resorted back to old sleep habits. Sleep training sucks – but know that at age 2 it’s not too late. We had to do it when we switched him to a bed and will most likely have to do some re-training once we know that he’s feeling better. Is he still in a crib?
A few thoughts: (1) Is Cameron still in a crib? If you’ve moved him to a big boy bed already, that may be causing the problems. (2) As a mom of 4, I must say I am very anti-dropping naps before 3 years old. Kids really do need them. My suggestion instead would be to wake him up at a set time in the morning (say 7 am) – never let him sleep in b/c he took forever to fall asleep – and then offer a time-limited nap in the afternoon, making sure there are at 3.5-4 hours between when he wakes from his nap and his bedtime. So if your bedtime for him is 7:30 pm, he should ideally be up from his nap by 3:30 pm and shouldn’t sleep longer than 2 hours. Lots of busy outdoor time in the afternoon helps, and no screens an hour before bedtime (blue light = bad, and some people are really sensitive to it). Good luck! It will pass.
1) YES in crib
2) i agree 🙁 I am not going that route unless desperate
3) yesterday he napped 1-3 and the bedtime fail was at 7:45 pm. so i have >4 hrs, but maybe he needs more!? a truncated nap will leave him in the WORST mood, though
4) screens – usually we are great about this (no screens at all after work) but i’m letting them watch a movie tonight. agh! we’ll see how things go and i’ll try to leave an hr buffer!
thank you so much for your other comment as well 🙂 we’ll see what happens! i’m decidedly NOT ready right now.
Can you try to shift his nap from 12:30 – 2:30 pm? Sometimes, that extra half hour really does make a difference. I wouldn’t truncate the nap to less than 2 hours at this age. Many kids still sleep 3 hours for a nap at age 2-2.5
I honestly think this is just a phase that is related to some big developmental leaps in his life. If you are consistent, it should get better. I’m not saying you should CIO, but I’d keep my interactions with him absolutely minimal. Let him know you are there in periodic intervals but also let him know that play time is over, and he’s not going to get much out of you at this point.
(Can you tell that a bunch of my kids were bad sleepers? I have almost literally read every sleep book there is! It does get better, I promise.)
If it makes you feel any better, we went through a similar struggle with G at about the same age. I can totally relate to your statement about not wanting to end every day feeling like that. I don’t have any tips, it lasted us about 2 months. I was so frustrated because, like you, Dan and I are very routine-driven people yet G was going against the routine and all the tips we were reading about how to have a smooth bedtime. We tried to draw out a sleep routine chart but I think he was too young to use it at the time. We do have one now, and it really works (he really just hates ending the day and going to bed – I think he misses us).
The best tip I read for this is that kids act out at bedtime because they realize they are going to be alone until morning, and it’s a little scary/sad for them, so we should do something to make them feel secure. I know it’s hard to focus attention on C when you’ve also got A running around, but maybe identify something about his personality that will give him a sense of security before you leave him for the night. For G, he needed to have time to talk out his day and quiet his mind to fall asleep, so i would lay in his bed for a few minutes an we would "talk about things."
I wonder if people are pushing on the height thing because there’s so much more information out there on the Internet. My son has a rare genetic growth disorder that has similar treatment protocols to being SGA. He’s been on growth hormone for a couple of years and just hit the 3%ile on the growth charts. It was a bit of an insurance battle to get his treatment covered. How are these people proposing to pay for GH treatment with no indications? Right now, my insurance is paying out about $2500 a month for the shots. It goes up a couple hundred dollars every three months as the dosage increases. I’m 5’5" and simply hope he grow a little taller than me. It won’t be the end of the world if he doesn’t.
I have no advice, only solidarity, because I’m going through the exact same situation with my daughter right now (who’s a couple weeks younger than C). It is so unbelievably frustrating, and the diminished me-time/couple-time after we finally get her and older brother to bed (because she keeps pushing her bedtime back later and later) is driving me absolutely bonkers. Plus she sleeps late and then I have to wake her up for daycare, which kills me. I think our case is a little different than yours because it was precipitated by a transition to the toddler bed, and now that she knows she can get out of bed, she seems to just not believe in bedtime anymore. I would have loved to have stayed in the crib longer but we moved recently and it just made sense to switch at that point.
One other frustrating thing is that she has started using the potty as a delay tactic, despite having been potty trained for a couple months before transitioning to the toddler bed and never doing this before. The end of our bedtime routine involves quiet rocking with lights out, and right as I think she’s ready to go in the bed, almost every night without fail she announces "I have to poop." So then we have to turn on the lights, sit on the potty, and get her all charged up again. About a third of the time she actually DOES poop, too, so I can’t just brush it off. Argh so frustrating!
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