honest update

May 23, 2017

Hi!

I’m still alive.
Nothing terrible has happened.
I’m just . . .miserable.  I don’t remember being this miserable for this long with either of my two prior pregnancies.  Maybe I just forgot; it’s possible.  
I am so, so tired.  All of the time.  Sleeping 10 hours a night, and still tired.
I have no time to do anything, because sleeping 10 hours a night does not leave any time to do anything.
I have no energy to do anything even when I do have time.
My nausea has not abated.  At all.  I still have strong food aversions and yet am prone to eating too much in one sitting, because I seem to ONLY feel good when I am actually chewing, and I don’t want the relief to end.  Then I feel so sick afterwards.  And feel dumb for repeating the same mistake I’ve made 34083 times already.
I come home from work, and have been resorting to letting the kids watch 2 episodes of Wild Kratts before I start the bedtime routine.   I honestly feel bad all day, but at my worst at night.  My patience sucks.  I don’t feel like I am the present parent that I normally am.
Taking my prenatals feels like torture, and I’m ashamed to admit I’ve missed more than a few doses.  Brushing my teeth is torture, and I still do it, but I gag every time.  
I am basically waking up, going to work, functioning at work (feeling fatigued and nauseated the whole time), coming home, barely making it through the bedtime routine, and passing out at 8:30 pm.  
I haven’t run since Sunday and that was only a 30 minute run/walk.  The heat feels oppressive and my heart rate skyrockets even at slow paces.  I’m sure I’m out of shape.  I feel guilty about not exercising but I don’t even really WANT to right now.
ANYWAY.  I recognize this is the whiniest post ever written, but I wanted to share how I am really feeling.  I also recognize that I am lucky to be pregnant at all and to have stayed pregnant thus far, and that I am also NOT nearly as sick as many in terms of actual vomiting/dehydration/hyperemesis.  I am trying to keep perspective, and most of all really really hoping that in a few weeks, things will turn around.  Especially since we have a big family trip planned (longest one we’ve ever taken as a family).  I’m just about 12 weeks now.  

Oh I turned 37.  So that was good.  (Josh was there too just appeared headless in this pic so I cropped him out!)

 

18 Comments

  • Reply Laura Vanderkam March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    So sorry to hear you’re feeling so terrible! Hopefully it will get better in the next few weeks. And there is nothing wrong with letting the kids watch TV. I let them watch way more than that!

  • Reply Angela March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Oh man, I had that horrible fatigue during my pregnancy as well. I was sleeping 10+ hours most nights (not an easy feat as an MS3) and was still bone-tired. Everyone loved to tell me, "you think you’re tired now, wait until the baby comes!" But I would take that sleep-deprived newborn exhaustion over the wacky pregnancy fatigue ANY day. I hope you get some energy back soon and the nausea lets up! I’m sure everyone has offered up their homegrown nausea remedies to you already, but if you are looking for something new to try, I swore by potato chips and lemonade!

  • Reply Shelly March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Longtime reader but infrequent commenter. Congrats on your pregnancy, and I’m sorry you are feeling so bad! My third is 9 months old, and it was my hardest pregnancy so far. I do think getting older doesn’t help! Anyway, just wanted to suggest switching to gummi prenatals, at least until you are feeling better. I’m sure they are not quite as "healthy" as other options (and they don’t have iron typically so if you need that you’d need another supplement) but they were the only thing I could stomach when I was so nauseous and I figured that something was better than nothing. I hope you are feeling better soon!

  • Reply Ana March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Listen, I never took my prenatals because just looking at them made me gag. I always felt that a more constant infusion of carbs helped my nausea. Actively chewing almost all day, little bits and bites. DO NOT feel bad about a little (educational?) TV and the running will come back to you. I’m so sorry you are having a tough time, friend. Take it as easy as you can!

  • Reply Jamie March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Another voice suggesting that you ditch the prenatals. You’re past the window where they might make a difference for neural tube closure, and at this point your little passenger is not requiring vast stores of other nutrients. I found that axing prenatals temporarily cut my nausea by a significant fraction.

  • Reply xykademiqz March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    So sorry you are feeling miserable! Maybe this will make you feel better, sort of, but I found that with each pregnancy the sickness started 2 weeks earlier and ended 2 weeks later (1st: textbook 8-14 weeks, nausea only; 2nd: 6-16 weeks, lots of vomiting and weight loss; 3rd: vomiting 4-20 weeks, lost 20 lbs). As an aside, I had Zofran with the latter two, but only sparingly, and it didn’t do much; my obgyn swore it was safe; then lo and behold, turns out it’s not, as it causes cleft palate and what not. Btw, I had all boys, and there seems to be some correlation between the severity of nausea and the sex of the baby in some women, so I am guessing another boy for you?

    I am also seconding (thirding?) ditching prenatals, I could not keep them down. I had the tiny folic acid pills plus the kids’ gummy vitamins throughout pregnancies 2 and 3.

  • Reply erica March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Ugh I’m so sorry! I agree with others about the prenatals, you can take them when you feel better. And I really think you’ll be turning a corner soon – I felt better after 13 weeks this time. I had really similar symptoms to you – no vomiting but constant nausea that was only relieved by eating, bland food, and soul crushing fatigue.

  • Reply Cbs March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Random suggestion but get a child size toothbrush. I’m 31 weeks and am using a Thomas the tank engine one.

  • Reply angelicadwhite March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Hello there! I love your blog, and read it daily. I have never posted before, but I really really wanted to write to tell you, 1. It is very OK to feel your feelings. 2. Hang in there, it will get better! 3. Please continue to write. Your best posts are when you show your true self. I recognize myself in you so much, and if makes me feel better knowing that there is someone else out there going through similar things.

  • Reply Anon March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Ah, so sorry you are feeling so awful. I had a similar first tri experience where I only felt okay while chewing and literally ate all. day. long. I only ate bread, cereal, crackers, soup and some hard candy to keep carsickness away. I never worked out until after 20 wks. Oh and my husband and I conveniently planned a trip to auschwitz during this time. I wish I was kidding.

    The amazing news is I’m now 33wks, eat all food again, have had a very healthy pregnancy, and am back to regularly swimming 2k multiple times per week, walking, and doing yoga. Also I see an incredible OB who specializes in high risk pregnancies (I’m not, she’s just close to my house) and aside from folic acid and iron if you’re anemic she says don’t worry about prenatals. Just eat well once you are in second snd third tri. So, that’s one worry you can remove. Hang in there and hope you feel better soon. Happy birthday too!!

  • Reply Anon March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Ps it should tell you a lot about how bad it was that even though I feel totally fine now, I couldn’t even go back and proofread my own comment without feeling sick again just from reading it. Ugh. It’s the worst. Hang in there….

  • Reply Liza March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Another reader who loves your blog and never posts. You are really, really hard on yourself. Have someone you love read this post to you and then give you a hug. And then go take a nap. We are rooting for you!

  • Reply Jenny March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    There’s no such thing as too much whining in the first tri. It is a miserable experience unlike any other. I’m 16 weeks now and positively REVELING in how amazing it feels to do my chores at night because it means I actually have some energy back. Hang in there…I’m really, really hoping you’re close to the other side!

  • Reply Michelle March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Dear Sarah, long-time silent reader, also MD with young kids and just found out I’m pregnant with my third. I followed your thoughts about whether or not to have a third child, and wondered similar things. This is your blog so of course you are allowed to whine, but also… some perspective, today I found out that one of our L+D nurses who had twins several months ago (also has a 3 year old at home) found out she had stage 4 breast cancer with mets to the liver, and died less than two weeks after diagnosis. She was 30.
    I totally hear you re: pregnancy fatigue, nausea/emesis, getting huge etc. But perhaps a change of mind-set is in order? Presumably this is your last pregnancy, and while uncomfortable some of the changes are wonderful. As you said earlier, it is what it is. So while I already feel the nausea setting in, much earlier than the last times, I know that I’m so lucky to be pregnant and alive. It is what it is, and what it is is pretty darn good.

  • Reply Aly March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    I need a place to commiserate….I gained 6lbs between appointments (from 14 weeks to 18 weeks) and my midwife said textbooks recommend 4lbs. This is my first. I didn’t this would bother me but four days later (yesterday) I had a meltdown about this. I feel I’m eating healthy and I know I’m exercising regularly. I guess I feel I’m both failing for not following the standard guidelines and anxious about losing the weight afterwards.

  • Reply emilymargaretnyc March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    I hope you feel better soon!! Like a lot of the other comments have said, I really just enjoy it when you write — even if you feel like it is ‘whiny.’ Glad to hear from you and appreciate the honesty as well! Of course take whatever time for yourself to sleep, rest, etc. vs. posting but know that your readers here enjoy your blog for you sharing about your real life. (and happy birthday!)

  • Reply Rinna March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Oh, I hear you on the prenatals. And I tried doing omega-3 supplements too b/c fish made me so grossed out, and I felt like my baby wasn’t getting enough omega-3. Those made me vomit like crazy. I threw up in the parking lot of my kids’ school one day after having taken them. I think that might have been my lowest moment! I hope you feel better soon, and for the love of God, don’t touch the omega 3 supplements. Learn from my pain!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Reply Aerevyn March 10, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    In two to four weeks, you’re going to feel so different. Sleep more if you can in your first tri, and don’t guilt on letting things go for now.

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