honest update

May 23, 2017


I’m still alive.
Nothing terrible has happened.
I’m just . . .miserable.  I don’t remember being this miserable for this long with either of my two prior pregnancies.  Maybe I just forgot; it’s possible.  
I am so, so tired.  All of the time.  Sleeping 10 hours a night, and still tired.
I have no time to do anything, because sleeping 10 hours a night does not leave any time to do anything.
I have no energy to do anything even when I do have time.
My nausea has not abated.  At all.  I still have strong food aversions and yet am prone to eating too much in one sitting, because I seem to ONLY feel good when I am actually chewing, and I don’t want the relief to end.  Then I feel so sick afterwards.  And feel dumb for repeating the same mistake I’ve made 34083 times already.
I come home from work, and have been resorting to letting the kids watch 2 episodes of Wild Kratts before I start the bedtime routine.   I honestly feel bad all day, but at my worst at night.  My patience sucks.  I don’t feel like I am the present parent that I normally am.
Taking my prenatals feels like torture, and I’m ashamed to admit I’ve missed more than a few doses.  Brushing my teeth is torture, and I still do it, but I gag every time.  
I am basically waking up, going to work, functioning at work (feeling fatigued and nauseated the whole time), coming home, barely making it through the bedtime routine, and passing out at 8:30 pm.  
I haven’t run since Sunday and that was only a 30 minute run/walk.  The heat feels oppressive and my heart rate skyrockets even at slow paces.  I’m sure I’m out of shape.  I feel guilty about not exercising but I don’t even really WANT to right now.
ANYWAY.  I recognize this is the whiniest post ever written, but I wanted to share how I am really feeling.  I also recognize that I am lucky to be pregnant at all and to have stayed pregnant thus far, and that I am also NOT nearly as sick as many in terms of actual vomiting/dehydration/hyperemesis.  I am trying to keep perspective, and most of all really really hoping that in a few weeks, things will turn around.  Especially since we have a big family trip planned (longest one we’ve ever taken as a family).  I’m just about 12 weeks now.  

Oh I turned 37.  So that was good.  (Josh was there too just appeared headless in this pic so I cropped him out!)


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