THANK YOU and more thoughts

February 28, 2018

YOU GUYS.  I am absolutely floored at the incredibly kind, thoughtful, and insightful comments left on Monday’s post.  I read each and every one of them and still want to respond individually.  I feel so much better, and in part it is thanks to reading your words.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to do that for me.  As silly as it sounds, it can be annoying and inconvenient to comment on a blog and yet so many of you took that time.  I will try to pay it forward, in whatever ways I can!

Here are some of the conclusions/realizations that I have had over the past 1.5 days.  In no particular order . . .
From a philosophical standpoint . . .
1) From Irene’s comment:My only thought for you is that we have learned from my very perfectionist daughter that we need to praise effort where we see it, not the result. The thinking is that you can control what you put in to something but not necessarily what comes out.”  YES.  Wow.  That was powerful.  In this particular area, I have so little control on what the result is, and I need to be kind to myself about it.  
2)  In the end when you fast-forward, it is not going to be the end of the world if our nursing relationship ends earlier than I want it to in an ideal world.  We don’t LIVE in an ideal world, after all.  She is going to be okay.  I may be emotional about this issue, but on the spectrum of real problems, it’s not really even on the map.  It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try my best, but keeping perspective is very important.  (I realized this already, but you helped reinforce it!).
From a practical standpoint . . .

1) This is not something that is ‘wrong’ with me, but may be a perfectly normal developmental phase for G.  Perhaps this is/was her way of getting my supply to increase — after all, demand is what drives milk production in the first place.  It was so helpful and reassuring to know that many of you went through something similar at her age!!
2) Sleep may have been an issue.  The past 2 days I was much more careful about encouraging good naps and — probably more importantly — put her to bed closer to 7 (was previously doing it AFTER the big kids were in bed; this meant moving it to before).  She really had almost no evening fussiness either night!  Yes, she was up earlier to eat (midnight Monday night, and 9:45pm for a random feeding last night) but nothing unbearable.
3) I might be trying to do too much.  (This is not going to improve when I start back at work, but there it is).  Our weekend was jam packed and I didn’t have much time at home to feed her in a relaxed setting.  I need to design my days when I am with her (weekends, my day per week of being off) to at least have some portion at home with her just chilling out and having leisurely nursing sessions.  
4) There are a number of supplements/foods to try:  oatmeal with flax or brewer’s yeast (already doing the oatmeal, but hadn’t tried those add-ins), dark beer, mother’s milk tea, Legendairy Milk supplements, More Milk Plus, and (maybe) domperidone down the line if needed.  
5) It might make sense to find a lactation consultant to work with down the line, just for that extra layer of support/advice.  (Although I have been incredibly lucky to have one reader/listener who is a certified LC email me with incredibly thorough advice and support!  Thank you J!).
Right now, I’m just going to take it one day at a time, and — particularly when I go back to work — decide on a baseline of effort I am willing/able to put in, and then just see what plays out.  I feel so much better now — in part because G has been much better, but also because I feel like I have a way forward.  
AND NOW, to deal with the last 3 days of maternity leave.  In addition to nursing plenty, I am going to:
– get my wardrobe ready (will take some pix for my promised superficial back-to-work post)
– go shopping for makeup (will be my one activity today!)
– visit my office to drop off my mini fridge / pump / say hi to everyone (with G) so that Monday can go more smoothly
– read, relax, and enjoy as much as possible
I also will be sending out the 3 invitations for the planning makeover TODAY.  I had to upgrade to the professional survey monkey because there were well over 100 responses, so I am now planning on doing at least 2 rounds!  But I don’t want to overwhelm myself so I’m starting with 3 🙂  

perspective.  I am so lucky to have these 3 healthy ones.

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