1) I’ve been looking forward to today on the calendar for a long time! It’s my first day off with childcare PP (post-pump, obviously), and Josh and I will be getting massages (for his upcoming birthday – it’s our tradition!) and having a nice lunch that will not be punctuated by paranoia about me missing a pumping/nursing session.
We are going to do some planning together about what next year will look like.
PS: Not pumping at work is so incredibly marvelous I don’t even know what to say. I am so happy to have this time and mental space back!
2) G is making some progress — as I type this, it’s 5:34 AM and she went to bed at 7. She’s making a few little sounds that started around ~5:10, but is not upset (I currently hear soft little na na ma mas on the monitor . . . .). I am fervently hoping we can get to a place where she will reliably stay in her crib 7 PM – 6 AM.
She has been on one daily nap for some time now, a transition of her own choosing (she just wouldn’t take a 2nd nap essentially until bedtime, so we had to cut it early!).
3) New blog rollout is coming before the new year! I love the new look (I’ve seen previews) and am excited to finally learn how to use wordpress. I need to work on updating my ‘page’ contents which are in some cases from something like 2010. Oops.
4) Need a podcast rec? Listen to the December 3 episode of Julie Morganstern’s Time To Parent (on any podcast app, or here). I find her voice somehow soothing and I really liked the framework she put forth in this episode, which was a (clearly well-prepared) speech given to a parenting group.
5) We are trying to make a decision about what to do about the next 6 months. Our kids are LOUD and acting out a bit and we are somewhat concerned that staying where we are might be stressful to our hosts (though they are vehemently denying it, and are incredibly lovely hosts). Options include:
– renting a nearby condo/house/apt until the rest of the school year is over
upside: not worrying about switching schools
downsides: having to move twice
– doing our move earlier (into a rental) and taking kids out of school mid-year. (This would have to be done very quickly).
upside: move would be done!
downside: SCHOOLS. A is in 1st grade and C in pre-K. This feels unnecessarily disruptive.
– moving back into our now-staged home (PS if anyone knows anyone looking in Miami Beach, I will happily email the listing!). Am not sure what our realtor would think about this.
upside: relatively easy, economical, and no school issues.
downside: it’s unlikely we could keep things as pristine as they are now. However, for tours, it would be easy to just clear out and come to where we are now.
– staying here and hoping kids just CHILLLLL eventually – it has been about 4 weeks, but maybe they still need to settle in more? Though I will admit I am somewhat terrified for Josh’s return to work because controlling them in this space during the hour of 6 pm (when I get home) and bedtime has been incredibly challenging even when there are 2 of us.
The idea of doing our ‘real’ move now (note: we are planning to rent, at least for the foreseeable future, not buy) is tempting psychologically, but breaking up the school year also feels wrong (and both kids love their teachers). It also breaks my heart to think about C not graduating from the preschool both kids have attended since 2013.
Much to mull over today.
6:02 AM and all is now quiet again – once she’s up I will congratulate her on an acceptable wakeup time, feed her, and take her for a stroller run. Progress!
18 Comments
Our 2nd baby has similar sleep patterns to G. It took her to 15 months to consistently sleep past 5am. It drove me kinda crazy! Our first child slept 12 hours/night from about 8 weeks. Dying to know what #3 will do when she arrives early April. Praying for a good sleeper. It really makes all the difference.
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If you”re planning on renting anyway in your new neighborhood, why not get it over with and just do it now? Out of curiosity, what is driving the decision not to buy? Are you guys contemplating another move in the next 5y?
I was thinking the same. If you’re renting anyways better sooner rather than later. Having it looming ahead seems like it’s stressing you out and may be contributing to the kids feeling unsettled.
I imagine this is part of the hesitation re buying: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/jun/…
With a potential move on our horizon as well, I’ve gone from worrying about the timing to not caring as much. I think I was adding extra stress trying to time things for the sake of closure, when in reality there is no perfect time and we’ll all adapt as needed. Said another way, our mid-career decisions feel more complicated than school year starts.
sarah dear – hope all is well! Nazli here — having moved to 4 different homes in as many years with Nacho (and having moved 6 times by the time i was 8), I’d really like to add my two cents that kids are super resilient and adults are not. I never even had a great sense of time until about 3rd grade so the notion of moving mid-term or end of year was meaningless… we have found the same to be true for Nacho. there’s an adjustment period but that’s always the case and the rest works itself out beautifully. Good luck!
aww i hope all is well with you too!! thanks so much for checking in 🙂 I think we are leaning towards the ‘now’ move and it’s great to know Nacho has been so resilient!!! PS i cannot believe he has kept the nickname!!!
I think you should move early and switch schools. Yes, it might be temporarily difficult on the kids, but it seems that they’re already struggling with the transition and impermanence of living with the grandparents. It sounds like you’re also stressed about the imposition on the grandparents, which I’m sure the kids pick up on, and it probably contributes to their acting out. The upsides of moving early (the feeling of permanence, the psychological relief to you) would make it worth it. The kids are also still young–they’ll adapt quickly. Weighing all the psychological and practical upsides of just moving now, it seems like it’s easily the best choice.
Another vote for moving early! We’ve had to move twice a mid-school year and I was surprised at how well the kids did with it. There was some initial sadness but a lot of excitement with being welcomed into a new class. They all did great.
I would move early and switch schools. It”s not optimal to do it mid-year, but at least it will be done. It will probably be less unsettling for the kids to just move than to know a move “is coming”.
I agree. Keep the Number of moves as small as possible. Good luck!
I agree! Kids that little are so flexible, and finishing out the year will allow them to make new friends in their new school which should help with the summer. I moved twice at the beginning of summer and I would not recommend that (neither would my mom!). This is dependent on making sure you know what area you are moving to because you don”t want them to go to another new school next year.
i would rent a nearby place! living with other people for too long causes me too much stress and anxiety without the added difficulty of kid behaviour to worry about. you likely do NOT need any extra stress.
sleeping like a … (apparently the correct word in here is "dad")
Elementary school teacher here (not parent). I agree with the suggestions to consider moving mid-year, rather than moving nearby and then moving again. I work in a pretty transient district so I usually get 1-3 new students during the school year. Once they”ve been there for about two weeks it”s hard to remember that they weren”t there from day one!
I also think you could be fine just staying out. It sounds like you are way more concerned than your hosts and I”m sure they are happy to have your family there, knowing they soon won”t see you as often.
Could you move but keep them in school and just drive them there? On the other hand I moved a lot in early elementary and halfway through first grade and have barely any memory of it but I know in the moment can feel huge. This feels like a time to apply the 5/5/5 idea- how much with this decision matter in five minutes? Five months? In five years? Pulling out the different timelines might help you find clarity. I read small animals because I heard you mention it on the podcast and I think it would be an interesting discussion.
Not that you need opinions, but if it were me (my 3 are similar ages), i’d rent nearby. Having your own space is so important (especially if you want to sleep train). You don’t really have to "move"- just have enough to get you through the next 6 months. Think of it as minimalist training 🙂 It is freezing up here in Philly- the idea of a warm morning run sounds Amazing.
Hi Sara! We are living in our house while for sale and it”s not bad at all. We blocked off nap time for no showings. Also, we have found many people can see a lot online and showings have been few. We happened to go under contract very fast but tne showings all had a day of notice and a few were on weekends so we could more easily all be gone. It was not as bad as I was expecting.
IF you’re looking for votes, I would say move and get the kids transitioned over the Christmas Break. I have twins that are 13 and I promise you those early years are way more flexible than the later ones. As parents we are way more emotional about those things than the kids are. I agree with the others that they will be settled by spring and summer and you can enjoy that. Plus if you get the move out of the way before Josh goes to work–all the better! Lots of mama energy and hugs sent your way. Not easy but always worth it to have your own place and space 🙂