The weather here has been kind of lame. It has literally been raining for days — I can’t really recall a day without rain/a thunderstorm for at least the past 10 days or so. It’s even raining (slightly) INSIDE of our (rental!) property which is . . . not good. We are awaiting an evaluation of the roof, which I am quite thankful is not actually our roof.
We had a lovely weekend, though it feels rather superfluous to discuss it now that it’s Tuesday. (side note: how is it already June 18? Didn’t the month just start!?). We celebrated Josh’s parents’ 50th anniversary, and there was a lot of family fun. I reflected on the fact that attending family gatherings with a toddler is kind of a pain. There were many moments when everyone was chatting happily and I was alone, refereeing said toddler. In retrospect it was still a very fun weekend and I have pleasant memories of the event. But my experiencing self was mostly tired, and kind of bored (at times), and jealous of those not wrangling toddlers.
Which is why I am wondering whether I will feel the same way as Lagliv (PS: she’s back after a long break! MISSED her blog so much!) when I have Big Kids like she does (it’s funny, because their family is essentially ours in terms of kid spacing, but projected a mere ~4 years into the future). I have this weird fierce love/dread thing going on with toddlerhood. I am so physically connected — almost addicted — to G. I love hugging her, snuggling with her, reading to her, playing with her, nursing her (yes still, mostly because it makes her so calm and snuggly while it is happening). I do not love following her around during the day when I am trying to accomplish . . . anything other than those activities.
Do most people just forget about the hard parts? I know that many people forget the tough parts about residency. I listen to my fellow attending wax nostalgically about long (LONG) shifts. Maybe it’s because I have my writing to look back on, but if you pull up August 2008 (my first of 2 memorable months serving item in the PICU as a resident), there is very little I wrote that is positive. I appear to have written 10 frantic pep talks in between posts filled with despair. Yet I don’t really remember the negativity all that vividly, other than the sleep deprivation part (though to be fair, I think this was the factor that colored the rest of my experience).
Anyway. I guess I’m trying to say that I find parenting toddlers equally magical and trying. I am going to miss this stage, but I also look forward to the next one, even with Bigger Kids / Bigger Problems / etc. Maybe I’m just the kind of person who will be better at solving Bigger Problems than I am at suspending nearly all of my own activities/household management tasks when G is awake and I am with her.
(One might ask what Josh’s role is. If we are both home and not working on a weekend, he’s often the one with the big kids. Not sure why but sometimes it’s a natural split — like on Sunday he went to Home Depot and worked on some house stuff with the big kids for hours while I had G, and it actually was great — we played and then she did entertain herself for enough time to enable me to cook dinner.)
Anyway. Am I the only one who read LL’s post (and this is NOT a dig against LL or her experience, I love reading her thoughts!) and thought — what is wrong with me that I DO find toddler parenting so challenging and all-consuming and just . . . a lot? And G is not even a difficult toddler, as toddlers go. She’s pretty chill and sweet although she does not like to stay in any one place for more than about 5 minutes (including her high chair . . . she will proclaim “OUT!” and dramatically rip off her bib. Sigh).
In other news, our (much-requested) Frugal Tips Episode (#98) is up! We picked our favorite tips (and your favorite tips) and compiled them into one ep, but there were so many we may feature a sequel at some point. Also, a personal finance-themed guest may be in a future lineup. This is also our very first episode with an ad, about 15 minutes in. Hopefully this will not detract from anyone’s enjoyment of the podcast. I know that personally, having the ads makes me feel a little bit better about spending the (fairly sizable) amount of time and effort that I do on the ‘cast, kind of like this blog. There really is something oddly satisfying about having a side gig that is centered around creativity and connection. I like it.