Today’s episode features a discussion of all things related to Quintile 4, the season after summer! I include some back to school discussion, but also address non-school-related shifts in the season as well as future planning to think about.
Then, I dive into a great listener question about sticking to plans — how do you (or . . . do you?) stick to your plan, and how do you avoid being reactive when tasks are coming at you throughout the day?
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6 Comments
I’m in the middle of listening to the episode right now! It’s timely, because today is our first day of school. I was pretty bummed out about summer ending, but thinking about Quintile 4 cheered me up a little- there are things starting as well!
The second part of the episode had me thinking a lot. I think I want to react to this incoming inputs for a couple reasons. 1) If it’s a quick job, it’s probably easier than what I’m currently working on, so the pull of an easy thing checked off the list is strong. 2) it creates that appearance of being helpful! Responsive! A team player! On top of things/efficient! to the person getting the quick response. I think the latter is more of a subconscious thing and is more likely to affect women (and obligers), but I do think it’s there to some degree. Interesting question from the listener
I think more context would be helpful for the sticking-to-plan. Are we talking about asks at work vs “hey can you help chaperon the field trip tomorrow because we’re short on volunteers?” I’m largely assuming the way the question was asked that this was not a kid is sick/you are sick/plumbing emergency type plan-tastrophy.
In terms of asks at work – I have several emergent blocks already built into my work schedule, as I know that there are always leadership asks that I’ll have respond to. So in that regard, I’ve already build emergent work into my plan for the day.
For the personal stuff, maybe set a limit – I’m willing to blow my personal plan 1-2x/month to help with XYZ. It would help set her own boundaries, and help suss out if the ask is really that important. Laura’s concept of a backup block can also help here. You can set aside Sunday afternoon, as an example, to catch on any person to-dos, but understand that comes at the cost of not being able to spend that time on whatever spontaneous fun activity that might have filled that time. Again, knowing what you’re giving up to honor the request might help clarify if you’re really willing to sacrifice that day’s plan.
I loved your part about not doing everything on your list every day. I think these things really weigh on people and even really hit their sense of self-worth. This is even something with streaks where people can lose sight of what they did actually accomplish when they didn’t do it 100%. But if you stood back and saw that you did something 7 days out of 10 – that’s pretty great! And certainly it’s usually better than not at all. Similarly, I like a Ta-Da list like Gretchen Rubin talks about when I am feeling down on myself. Writing out what I did do can help remind me of what I do accomplish instead of focusing on what is still on the list.
I have a few things to manage. I really like a brain dump method of writing out everything on my mind and then realistically looking at what needs to get done and picking a few priorities (3 max) and then only a short list is actually do-able in one day. My job does require me to look be somewhat reactive but nothing is usually an emergency. So at those times, I sometimes use a Pomodoro method (if the day allows – ie, not too many meetings) – I put on a 25 min timer and do an email clean-out/response block. And then the next block is back to more assigned or focused work. We also use a Trello-style board at work so it’s helpful to log things that come in to either assign or put in reminders if something isn’t needed that day or needs more thought or collaboration.
With all that said, there are days I am not killing it and that’s okay, because on balance things are getting done.
i LOVE your comment (esp the last part!!!). I may have to quote it in a future ep 🙂
Obliger opinion here. While I find Gretchen Rubin’s framework insightful, I think there is a shame attached to the obliger label that the other labels lack. It’s not uncommon for obligers to “wish” that they were a different tendency. Even Sarah accidentally called the listener a “recovering obliger”, when I think she meant “recovering people pleaser”. I like to think of myself as not an “obliger”, but as a “helper”, or even better, an “uplifter”. There’s a nobility in being of service to others and I accept that as my main purpose in life. Yes, it probably means I’ll never be a “thought leader” or “major content creator”, but I certainly will and have helped others achieve those goals. It also makes sense that I am in a helping profession (medicine) and so is the listener (education).
To answer the listener’s question, first, I agree with all of Sarah’s suggestions. I would also write down the “urgent requests” that you get throughout the day. This will help process them, as per Sarah’s advice. It will also help you see how urgent they actually are, and finally, you’ll “get credit” for them, as you’ll see all work that you are doing to help others. I would also add that time-blocking is not helpful for obligers. It’s not our nature to stick to a rigid self-made schedule, when we will always want to respond to what others are asking of us. Other commenters’ ideas about writing down a few priorities for each day can work. Think of your days as being mostly of service to others, and when things quiet down, working on your own priorities.