my apologies to cupid

hearts + flowers
and all that jazz. to be honest, i’m not really feeling it yet on this valentine’s day. i woke up with puffy eyes thanks to a marathon sob session yesterday evening [thank you, body image issues, TTC-related drama, and perhaps a toxic cocktail of hormones fueling the fire]. some say that a good cry is cathartic, but according to the new york times, it’s actually hit or miss.

i feel like i’m struggling lately in almost every facet of my life and it’s really just starting to wear on me. i think back to just 6 months ago before i started in the lab, when i was still heading out for double-digit long runs and not obsessing over my basal body temperature, and it strikes me that truly, i seemed happier then.

i can’t remember the last time i was relaxed and felt like this:

. . . and i’m not sure how to get back there.

all of the planning in the world won’t fix this.
thoughts on vegan week
7 days of entirely vegan eating — check. while i did have a few random cravings (cottage cheese?!), completing this short-term experiment wasn’t all that difficult. things that surprised me included:

■ i really didn’t miss meat all that much

■ however, i actually started to get tired of nut butter (didn’t think that was possible)

■ with the exception of one day, i didn’t feel any more or less satisfied than i do with my usual omnivore diet

■ i didn’t really feel any healthier, either — in fact, the opposite might have been true because i tended to fill the void with extra snacks/treats:

vegan oatmeal cookie: my ‘reward’ for going grocery shopping yesterday
what the exercise did do for me was to make me more aware of the choices that i sometimes make out of convenience that do not align with my morals. for example, i might order a salad with grilled chicken at a bar, because it’s a healthy and easy option. but without knowing anything about where the meat comes from, it’s likely that i’m directly supporting the practices that upset me so much in food inc.

while i have no intentions of becoming vegan (or vegetarian), i would like to be a lot more mindful of the sources when i do choose to eat animal products.

although hopefully not to this extreme . . . 🙂
in most restaurants, i feel like seafood or (sustainable) fish is probably often the best option — even preferable to ‘vegetarian’ choice which may be filled with dairy or eggs of dubious origins.

i also gained more respect for vegans following their hearts and sticking to principles that are important to them. because while i did make some really mouthwatering creations (the dinner party menu + this sushi bowl were my favorites), i do think that it is a sacrifice . . . one that i am not strong enough to make. furthermore, i don’t think humans NEED meat/dairy/eggs to be healthy, but for me, i think it is easier to eat a healthier diet when i include these things.

as for josh? well, he didn’t complain when i cooked the past week’s vegan dinners, but based on his lunch choice yesterday, i don’t think he’ll be jumping on the v-wagon any time soon:

sigh. michael pollan would NOT approve.
buying some happiness?
while yesterday’s clothes shopping trip ended up being a bit of a downer (NOT because of the company – thank you so much for coming, lacey!), i did indulge in one purchase that i’m excited about:

5th gen ipod nano — purchased from ebay!
sorry, atilla – i’m still not ready to commit to an iPhone! i thought about the new model (see below), but ended up choosing the 5th gen instead because i like the old-school metal casing and i wanted the video capabilities.

plus i was worried about the effects of copious sweat on this touch screen!
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2.13.11

workout: 75 minute yoga class @ blue point (yep, two in one weekend! i’m back to it!)

vegan dinner #7
after experiencing the deliciousness of mama pea‘s peanut butter and chocolate bars, i was excited about these black bean burgers.

i’m happy to report that they did live up to my high expectations! soft and a bit spicy, i thought these were delicious. some mashed avocado probably would have been a great addition to this burger, though we were all out.

(to anyone wondering: i ended up leaving out the worcestershire in favor of some nayonnaise + ketchup added to the mix!)