September 16, 2004

even though i know i’m being ridiculous, i’m just going to let it all out. feel free to skip this entry if you don’t want to hear a spoiled, petty graduate student moan about the injustices of her life.

today sucked, as days go. i am looking forward to going to sleep so that tomorrow can be better. i’m not saying that there was any momentous event that upset me, or that anything truly tragic happened, but it was just not a day i’d choose to repeat if i ever got the option of being reincarnated as myself.

1. dark. i woke up, and it was dark. i hate that. you know, what i’ve always wanted is a light in my room that would gradually brighten to simulate a sunrise, peaking just as my alarm was set to go off. then, ideally, an automatic coffee-pot would turn on, and the aroma would drift tantalizingly up the stairs until my maid glides on up to bring it to me in my silk and cashmere-laden bed. yeah.

2. bp. british petroleum, that is. i had to get gas in the rain this morning. it was cold. and the gas cost me $22. for the love of god.

3. lab. actually, i don’t have any specific complaints about lab today, but i was only there for 2 hours.

4. narcolepsy. my 2-second sleeping-fuse strikes again. if i am bored for more than 5 minutes, i will fall asleep, regardless of how well-rested i am. josh (who has a similar ‘disorder’) claims that this is actually useful, because i can use my sleep-meter to gauge my true interests. i fell asleep in signal transduction colloquium today. i realize that to most people, this is very understandable, but i’m supposed to like this stuff. more importantly, i thought i was supposed to be able to understand it. and i didn’t. i felt like the presenter was speaking in another language. it didn’t help that he had quite an accent (he was from argentina), but still. it disappointed me that i wasn’t able to pay attention. and i really did try. more fuel for my (josh says) irrational worries/doubts about belonging in the phd program. argh.

5. pizza. so there was a free lunch after the colloquium. i went because i wanted to meet some of the other grad students, and also for the free food (i admit it). i expected it to be something good, like salad or sandwiches or even burritos, but it was pizza. now, don’t get me wrong, i love pizza, but not all pizza. and, interestingly (to someone, maybe), i’m not a big fan of pizza for lunch. see, i have learned by experience that if i eat one piece, i’m invariably starving a few hours later. and if i eat 2, it puts me into a severe postprandial coma and it always makes me feel kind of nast. so yes, even pizza is on my list of complaints for the day. this is no-holds-barred complaining.

6. class.

a) bratty girls: overheard:

girl1: “oh my GOD, you don’t know what the nutrient cycle is?”

girl2: “um, well, NO, i wasn’t a toxicology major. so . . .”

girl1: “well, it’s–”

girl2: “do you mean the CARBON cycle? oh my GOD, of course i know that.”

i hate when people act like things are common knowledge when they’re not.

b) bratty girl #1 was carrying a giant phi beta kappa keychain. vomitrocious.

c) professor kept referring to the ‘premeds’ in our class. she also kept asking questions, like “do you know what this drug does?” [yes] and then answering them before we had a chance to say anything. it’s not that i’m so eager to display my fund of pharmaceutical knowledge, or anything, but if you’re a professor and you don’t want people to answer your question, then you shouldn’t ask!

7. fat lady. if i had been 5 seconds faster, i would have gotten a good treadmill at the gym today — the kind where you don’t have to hold your cd-player to keep it from vibrating wildly and skipping. but i wasn’t. this big lady lumbered onto it JUST before i did, and she didn’t even have a cd-player. at least she didn’t have an iPOD. then i would have hated her more.

8. dog. this stupid black dog that belongs to these scary people who live 2 doors away keeps running in our yard. i am scared of this dog, because it barks and doesn’t seem very afraid of humans. and also because i have a minor phobia. when i got home from the gym, mr. dog was waiting to greet me. i stayed in the car until josh made him go away, because i am pathetic. people can’t just let their dogs run all over the place, though. jesus.

that’s it. i am bitched/moaned out. it feels good to have it all out of my system. as scarlett o’hara always said, “tomorrow is another day.” or something like that.


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