angst overload

July 11, 2005

i’ve been having way too much angst these days for my tastes. career angst (always present, but varies on how much and how serious), kaplan angst, wedding angst, and even mosquito-bite angst (how DARE they sting the bottom of my foot!? the horror!). what IS my problem these days? really, things are not that bad. let me elaborate . . .

career angst: yeah, it’s always waxing and waning (did i pick the right field? maybe i should have been a . . . writer? singer? food network star?), but lately it’s been on the rise. somehow, today i feel better about things, for no particular reason. things aren’t really working in lab, but maybe i’m finding it more interesting. plus, i realized that the things i’m whining about are fixable. not enough project? i’m sure i can find more to work on. not enough direction? there are people here to give me some. i’m NOT too dumb to be a graduate student (yes, i do actually think this all the time) and medical school did not suck all the creativity out of me (just some of it). everything is going to be okay.

kaplan angst: really, this is just because i’m doing too damn much of it. i’ll never make the mistake of signing up for this many classes again. also, i actually think i’ll make a good teacher trainer, even if i can’t teach physics to save my life.

wedding angst: i’m very excited to be married but the wedding part is a little scary and overwhelming. i’ve never had a ‘budget’ to deal with before. i’ve never had to worry about etiquette before (although i am a very reliable thank-you-note writer). i have to keep remembering that most of it is all supposed to be — gasp — FUN. i never ever want to be bridezilla.

mosquito-bite angst: i really need to remember to always wear bug repellent if i’m going to be outside, especially at night. my immune system (and my sister’s — genetics!) for some reason thinks that mosquito venom is TOXIC and BAD and must be attacked with an inflammatory response way beyond what is necessary. this sucks, and i have to be more vigilent about protecting myself if i don’t want to wake up every night at 3 am in a fit of scratching. ugh.

time for lunch . . . i’ve been coming home mid-day to eat with josh for the last month or so becuase he’s studying for boards (woohoo, just 9 days left – i’m almost as excited as i was for myself to be finished!) and i remember how lonely i got when i was studying. plus, it’s fun.

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