11 hours from now, i will make my first appearance in front of a real, live patient since august ’04. i feel like i may have actually grown up somewhat as i pipetted my way through the last couple years (well, except for the last few months of blissful idleness) and i have decided that i will dispose of my old clinical persona, which was sort of a Neurotic/Efficient/Bored/Anxious hybrid. this time around, i have decided to become a relaxed med student. an AT PEACE med student.
the one who drifts in and out of exam rooms with a dreamy half-smile on her face, connecting with each patient and easily writing scholarly notes just for the fun of it, rather than one who races through things because IF SHE GLOMS UP THE SYSTEM, SHE WILL BE DEAD.
one who is excited each day to get to spend the day learning and interacting with people, rather than one who frets all night about what THEY will think of HER at any given moment.
2nd year was for THEM. you know, the powerful ones. i toiled, i memorized, i fetched (is that a word?) caffeinated beverages. i even carried the occasional handbag (that BITCH).
but 4th year, i have decided, is for me.