September 26, 2006

i’m happy these days. and sometimes sad. and totally anxious, too. i don’t know what’s with me; i guess it’s just that i have a lot to be happy, sad, and anxious about. and you know what? it’s draining! (well, that and the getting-up-at-5-am-to-work-out-phase that i’m in right now. we’ll see how long that lasts.)

i am happy
that 4th year of medical school is a lovely break and actually a lot of fun
that i really like pediatric endocrinology
that i am married to the love of my life
that i have great friends and family living close to me
that my life-plan seems to make sense and actually seems feasible and realistic (well, except the part about having a girl, then a boy, then a girl, in perfect 2 year intervals. heh.)

i am sad
that the love of my life has to work really ridiculous hours and i miss him often even though we live in the same house
that we are going to have to move out of this house, which is going to probably involve a lot of work that i don’t want to do
that in 9 months i’m going to start residency and work way too hard for way too long and not get nearly enough sleep and probably age 15 years in only 3

i am anxious
that i’m taking on too much again (marathon training, studying for boards, interviewing, kaplan, and oh yeah — the rest of med school)
that we are financially challenged and my measly effort at kaplan is like trying to repair a leak in the hoover dam with scotch tape (where is the hoover dam, anyway?)
that the world is going to burn up and/or blow up much too soon
that the whole residency match process will land us somewhere where we won’t be happy

it’s official: i need a drink.


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