(despite the fact that i have the cushiest schedule in the world and basically no reason whatsoever to be annoyed).
1. the residency match process, which is really not set up for someone with a husband in internship already. it’s just not. i should not, as a med student at a great med school who performed (i think, anyway) well in said school, have to grovel and sweat over getting a job in the same city as my husband. but the match is set up so that freak things can happen to even the most deserving candidates in such tight situations, so today i discussed ‘worst-case-scenario’ plans with my dean. we actually mulled over the horrifying outcomes of matching in a city away from josh vs. not matching. ugh!! i then realized that i could get a job for a year or something, but then it hit me that after 9 years in the ivory tower, i am basically not qualified for anything other than residency (ie, more training). i supposed i could teach kaplan full-time. but i would really prefer not to.
2. kaplan. i am training 3 very promising young teacher-cadets, and one blowhole (if that’s a word). he is a sweet boy though with quite a nervous demeanor. squirrely, even. i probably should fire him. but i keep picturing him checked into the duke psych ward after a suicide attempt and hearing him sob, “i’m- such- a- fai- ai- ailure . . .” and i just can’t do it. i feel almost negligent for keeping him and yet too guilty to throw him out. blah.
3. credit protection? hello, i did NOT order credit protection and i don’t appreciate being told that i did. nor do i appreciate the ~$300 that i have been paying since july without even really noticing. that’s like, many pairs of shoes that are not in my closet because i was ripped off. hopefully we will get the money back, but not until after the “investigation.” oh, i just LOVE to make the credit protection phone guy feel super important. sarcastic blah.
4. my own lack of motivation.
5. my lack of running speed, which does not seem to be changing despite miles upon miles of wishful plodding.
6. that’s enough, i guess. i haven’t had a good general letting-it-all-out post in a while. i have to admit it felt pretty good.