someday maybe i’ll stop being so crazy

February 2, 2007

it never fails. every single time i have to start a new rotation (well, a new anything, really) i start getting really antsy and edgy and nervous. we were emailed an information sheet for the upcoming emergency medicine rotation and my mind immediately came up with the following unreasonable panicky thoughts:

– “i always get lost in the ER! after 4 years, it’s still a maze to me! how am i even going to figure out where to GO?”
– “AHH! procedure requirement? they’re going to find out that i’ve made it 95% of the way through med school without starting an IV, and i will be laughed at and pointed at and ridiculed and possibly expelled.”
– “oh my god, i pity the poor person who has to get their laceration stitched up by ME.”
– “i hate emergencies! what if someone, like, stops breathing and i’m the only one there? THEN WHAT?????”
– “i know i’m the only one who feels this way. everyone else is all EXCITED for all the emergencies. and the procedures. and everything. why am i so inept?”
– “this is the rotation where they are all FINALLY GOING TO REALIZE HOW MUCH I SUCK.”

these are all unreasonable and ridiculous, one-half of me realizes. not because i actually DO know what i’m doing, but because basically none of us do, and it’s normal.

the other half of me needs a tranquilizer. or at least some yoga.

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