calm amidst chaos
while i am sure the busiest day in pediatric endocrinology probably doesn’t hold a candle to what josh experiences in surgery on a daily basis, yesterday was — FOR ME — quite a challenge.
diabetics seemed to be falling from the sky . . . and landing in our ED. a little girl with a more exotic diagnosis [details left out for HIPAA purposes] arrived for evaluation . . . at 5 pm. i was in clinic all morning with the on-service attending, so ended up fielding calls asking about ‘the plan’ [our recommendations for multiple patients] pretty much constantly until we were actually able to round at 3 pm.
a round of shots for everyone! but not the fun kind . . .
i’ll be honest: i can’t claim that i was zen and peaceful and happy through all of it. at different times, i felt scattered, frustrated, annoyed. the diabetes pager was relentless, and while i always composed myself once i answered it, the vibration seemed to shoot through me like a lightning bolt every time it went off while i was in the middle of doing something else.
all day, i had been looking forward to the power/yin yoga class i had planned to attend at 6 — and then when 6 rolled around, i thought perhaps i could make it to the all levels class at 6:45 instead.
but: it was all okay.
several things occurred to me halway through that last patient encounter in the emergency room.
■ the most important and right place for me to be last night was exactly where i was — helping the patient and family with their new diagnosis. even if it wasn’t a medical emergency [and it wasn’t, really — which initially added to my fury], they needed the support and for someone to help explain what was going on. i was lucky enough to be on with an attending that provided an inspiring example of how to do this.
■ i am not that great at all of this zen stuff . . . yet! when challenged, i still become tired, anxious, and frustrated at times in spite of my best intentions. but every day is a chance for progress, and every tough experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. last night was one of those nights, and there was no ‘failure’ on my part. i also need to forgive myself for not being perfect — just being aware of when i struggle is progress in itself.
■ stressing over whether i would or would not make it to any one yoga class truly defeats the purpose of going in the first place!
regroup: a happy ending
other times, i might have stormed home and then blown off my plans for yoga/meditation/reading/whatever. but last night i am happy to say that i was able to regroup and do my own 20 minute session — and then move on to my clinic notes without misery or woe-is-me self-pity.
this morning, i plan to head in early to get a head start on the day. i probably won’t be hanging out on the wards looking like this:
workout: 30 minute run outside in the AM; 20 minute yoga flow [the week 1 practice in the book 40DR]
dinner: leftovers!! cost-effective. efficient. delicious. yay!