yesterday, i had the pleasure of visiting our [likely] future day care spot. despite the fact that i entered the duke day care waiting list on the day i saw that much-anticipated second line — yes, literally! — i’m #87 on the waiting list. for 25 spots.
apparently, sometimes things change and there may still be a [very slim] chance. however, i certainly can’t bank on it!
so, off i went to tour another bright horizons location in the area. it came highly recommended from 2 women that i trust who have been very happy with the care there, including in the infant room. it also is on the way to my lab, and is so close to the lab’s campus that theoretically i could hop on over there for lunch and breastfeed* — probably taking just a few more minutes than if i had to sneak away to pump.
the tour was bittersweet. overall, i was completely impressed! the grounds were impeccably clean [and this was just a regular day — not any open house or anything like that]. the [CUTE] babies in the infant room looked very content, crawling all around with close supervision. i was impressed by ‘enrichment classes’ on music, art, and movement offered to all of the children — yes, even the babies. i witnessed instructors’ casual interactions with older children that seemed genuinely kind and invested. i knew that i would feel confident bringing my child there.
so that made me happy — but of course, also sad. in the beginning, it seems likely that my little 12-week old will be the smallest one there [the current babies in the infant room looked to be 5-6 months +]. i have to deal with the idea that more than half of my baby’s waking hours will be spent . . . not with me. amazingly, josh and i will be the first parents in the immediate family to put our infant in day care, and both of us grew up with stay-at-home-mothers, at least for the early years.
so it’s different, and i already know it will be hard. but it’s really the only solution for us — i simply cannot take any more maternity leave without extending my fellowship**, and we cannot afford a nanny at this juncture in our careers [day care = goodbye to half my paycheck — ouch! although we’ve known that and have been preparing for a while].
BUT: like fellowship, this arrangement will be temporary. and it will be a chance to see how things work, so that we can figure out what we’d like for the future. and i feel confident that day care [at least this one] will be a safe and happy environment for our baby. and i guess that’s really what matters!
* assuming BFing works out for me. i have already decided that i will try my absolute best to do so, but i refuse to hate myself if for some reason it doesn’t work out.
** extending it further, i mean — i’m already planning to stay an extra month
speaking of babies: 14.5 weeks
i know: i do a lot of that already. this blog has always been an honest reflection of what is on my mind, and right now THAT IS PRETTY MUCH IT.
i feel like i am starting to actually look pregnant rather than just fat, although i think it’s still ambiguous to the uninformed observer.
i can feel my uterus popping out of my lower abdomen now, and i think the curve in my upper stomach is from everything else getting pushed higher up there by default. or, maybe it’s just fat; cortisol levels are quite high in pregnancy, you know.
from the front the bump/curve is pretty subtle, but i no longer have a waist.
and i do kind of miss it a little. hopefully it will return eventually!
we will miss you, steve jobs
my own personal gesture of thanks and appreciation will be finally getting one of these:
You definitely are starting to look pregnant, but I don’t think you’ve popped yet. (Oops, I wrote pooped. Lol)
I like reading about your pregnancy journey especially since Jason and I recently decided to maybe try to make that happen for us sooner rather than later. (Don’t get excited. I’m not pregnant. At least, I don’t think I am!)
#87 on a waiting list for 25 spots? holy cow. you basically have to sign up before you’re even pregnant… the other place sounds great too though.
i think my mom had to go right back to work after i was born too, though she was lucky with grandma nearby, so i never really went to daycare.
we are crazy lucky with 12 months of mat leave here. i will certainly never take that for granted.
this is so exciting. i’m loving these pictures of you!!!
btw, i remember once you mentioned walking around a lake near duke campus . . . where is it located? i live near duke and sometimes don’t feel like driving all the way to the ATT for a walk (especially after a long day at work)! thanks in advance 🙂
Yes, you are starting to show! 14 weeks is when I noticed my belly popping out too. So exciting!
That’s the first picture that you’ve shown where I definitely thought you looked pregnant. I know you and Josh will do right by your little one. We get NO maternity leave here. You have to use temporary disability coverage if you want to take more than the sick and vacation time you’ve accrued, and since babies get sick and have to go visit grandparents that live in other states… if I do have one while Daniel is still in school I’ll have to go back to work after like a week!
So this temporary infertility thing might not be all bad.
You look so adorable and you are glowing! 87 on that wait list isn’t to bad considering and like you said…you never know what may come up between now and then. I’m glad that you were able to find an alternative that you are comfortable with. I mean I could always come be your nanny. It would be one hell of a commute from Statesville…;)
I honestly have to disagree with you on your statement that quality is more important than quantity for babies! Well, maybe if the mother is zonked out on drugs and thus not mentally present. But otherwise babies can’t "wait" for quality time. Thjey have no concept of time – you are either there or you are not. And the baby wants you, the ultimate source of safty, warmth and food, to be there all the time! A baby is not capable of bonding to multiple care givers, it needs to have it’s main source of safety being with just a few people.
a working mum’s 5 cents on day care: it tore my heart the first few days of day care but two things to remember:
-happy mom=happy baby. if work makes you happy (looks like it does) then that’s great. our usual routine though is: dad does drop off, I do pick up – ie, the nice part! and people also say: when it comes to time with your baby quality is possibly more important than quantity…
-day care, with their activities and especially the other kids make for great entertainment even for tiny babies! you will see that at 12 weeks, babies are already quite keen on watching what’s going on around them. by the time my daughter was about 6-7 months, she showed clearly more interest in other children than adults!
all the best for what’s to come!
I definitely think you look pregnant- it wasn’t until this week that I got to the "unambiguous" stage- I could tell because strangers mentioned it over and over again- opposing counsel, the lady in the department store, and opposing counsel’s clients!
I know how you feel about daycare- I’ve really struggled too. Visiting our daycare made me feel much better- it was so positive and nurturing, and so well set up for the wee babies. We have figured out that if I have 3 months off, we can get by if my husband has the following three months off and I go back to work, but I was always expecting to go back at 12 weeks, so I understand the feelings!
PS_ I think the upper stomach is everything getting pushed up. Some weeks my lower abdomen doesn;t seem to pop out any further, but the top part gets firmer and higher and pokes out more. The bra lady said yesterday that the reason my bras are tight around the back as well as in the cup is because of my ribs spreading out to make room for everything!
You look terrific. It’s so incredible to watch your body change during pregnancy. It’s different from day to day. There are good days and bad days (heartburn, hip pain, waking up q30 min at night at the end of 3rd tri), but overall, it’s just an amazing experience.
As for the daycare thing, it will be the hardest thing you will ever do to leave your 12 week old in daycare the first day. You will cry. You will cry some more. You won’t be able to concentrate on work for the first few days. You’ll drive the daycare employees crazy with phone calls and dropping by. But it gets better after the first few days. And then, one day, it’s ok. And your baby will thrive. You will be a better parent for doing something that makes you happy and will be a good role model for your children.
I have a mental list of baby/nursing mother things I wish I had known about with my first baby (and things that turned out to be totally useless). If you’re interested in any thoughts, let me know. Otherwise, I won’t bombard you with more unsolicited advice. 🙂
Have you considered nanny sharing? That is what we did for the first year and a half of Miles’ life and it was wonderful. He had the interaction of another baby his age but not the sickness that comes with daycare. Of course, you have to find the right other family/nanny and it isn’t always easy but it really worked out great for us! If you do go the daycare route, I’m sure Bright Horizons will be great and your baby will be very well cared for. I believe my good friend, Vikki, sends her son to that daycare and I would be happy to put you two in touch.
One other note on the jogging stroller – you are DEFINITELY going to want one! I can’t imagine what I would have done if I couldn’t have gone running with Miles all of those weekend mornings when he woke up at 6:30am. I also went with my other mommy friends quite a bit. I think it is really great for sanity. I never felt unsafe. They have really good breaks and I think as long as you stick to non-busy roads or trails (RTP has so many of them), you will be fine. I would definitely push for that one!
You look great, BTW! Miss you guys!! XO