not always sunshine + roses

October 4, 2011

feeling a little under the weather

and i definitely can’t blame the weather itself.

somewhere along my TTC journey, i developed the mindset that “if only i could become pregnant, i will be happy forever and always!” it felt like this barrier was the ONLY thing preventing me from living a life of unadulterated bliss.

i was wrong.

it’s the same thing as an overweight woman envisioning a wild and fabulous new life at the end of her weight-loss journey, or a medical student swearing that life will be just DUCKY as soon as she gets that MD [hint: wrong].

there will always be stress. there will always be struggles. and there will sometimes be failures.

do not worry: baby is okay!
don’t worry — my little 14-week peanut is just fine. in fact, it’s a big week — marking the official entrance into the 2nd trimester by most definitions! i am thrilled to have made it to this point without any incident and it still warms my heart to think about the coming weeks and months: being able to feel movements [can’t wait!], looking really [and not ambiguously] pregnant, and finally meeting this little person inside me and becoming a mother + family.

i think that might even be a thumbs up
but: work is stressing me out, from multiple angles. lab. patient issues. i feel like i’m having trouble making everyone happy and i also feel somewhat scatterbrained despite trying REALLY hard not to be [hormones!?]. i’m starting to get anxious about things like day care and finding a job in the future. even though i went in prepared for this, i’m also admittedly worried about doing most of the parenting by myself — not because josh wants it that way, but because his fellowship honestly requires hours that are . . . well, a lot.

i’m worried about our finances [we’ve saved a good chunk for day care, but some of our living expenses have recently increased — new apartment, for example]. i’m nervous about balancing work + family. i am anxious about being able to be a good mother AND good doctor at the same time.

one day at a time
i don’t have any easy answers — all i know is that i need to take things one day and one deep breath at a time. i will do my best and be open to life’s possibilities. and i will try to remember that a perfect, angst-free existence is never just one barrier away.


  • Reply Lee Becknell March 10, 2019 at 7:22 pm

    I felt that way when I moved to Georgia. Like I would move to a new place and suddenly everything in my life would be perfect. It wasn’t.

  • Reply jrm March 10, 2019 at 7:22 pm

    Not sure why this made me think of it…not sure if you have ever read the book "I Don’t Know How She Does It" it’s more chick lit/brain candy but humorous. I liked the book and the movie (even though the movie didn’t have good reviews).

  • Reply Morgan March 10, 2019 at 7:21 pm

    Honestly, it all works out. You just do it because you have to do it and it’s just the way it is. You’ll be amazed how much you are capable of (though I already think you know that). Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Life really does have a way of working itself out

  • Reply Marcia March 10, 2019 at 7:22 pm

    Being a good parent is also being good to yourself.You do all you can but the most important thing is to tell you family that you love them and you believe in them,. Know that you will make mistakes, but also know that is normal, just love your child and things will work out

  • Reply Jen March 10, 2019 at 7:22 pm

    I can so relate to this. I always thought seeing the magical second line on the pregnancy test would take all of my troubles away… haha, not so much. I know you will find a way to balance everything and be an excellent mama and doctor 🙂

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