surfing a treacherous sea

December 10, 2011

the tempest
i feel like i’ve been riding an emotional roller coaster lately. things that in the past might have left me miffed or a little disappointed are making me sob even while the logical part of my mind watches in disbelief [and disapproval]. a phone conversation with a parent that went south yesterday while on call caused me to spend hours worrying about my competency as a physician — even my worth as a person. and then, i of course worried about the effects of all of these histrionics on the baby. oh god, was that a contraction!?

it’s such a cliché, but i’m sorry: i have to believe it’s the pregnancy. while i haven’t suffered from terrible fogginess or memory problems [yet], i feel like i’m always just one little event away from a crying spell. it’s not like this is a new phenomenon; it’s just that [of course!] i didn’t think it would happen to me.

after the storm
well, i guess i should get on with life. try to learn from the heightened emotions — maybe it’s training so that i emerge as a steady oasis of calm after our baby is born, and therefore be a better parent. all i know is that i would like for today to be as calm and quiet as possible.

luckily, i find folding warm laundry to be lovely and therapeutic
not sure the vascular surgery holiday party tonight is going to meet those criteria, but we’ll see.

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