one of the things i try very hard at
is to recognize when i’m stuck on the wrong path, formulate an appropriate plan, and FIX THINGS so that i can be — well, happier.
i think that’s why gretchen rub in’s writing [her blog as well as her books] has spoken to me over the past few years. it’s not that she advocates doing anything that is mind-blowingly original or shocking. it’s just that she makes me feel NORMAL for undertaking my own happiness quests every so often — big or small — and even writing about them.
last week wasn’t very much fun. fatigue played a significant role, and unfortunately i don’t see annabel’s sleep situation miraculously changing overnight [though i DO have tentative plans for sleep-training once she hits 6 months — which is soon]. but there were also a number of little things that were bothering me [perhaps because i was tired and therefore had a shorter fuse, but still . . .]
i laid awake last night and wrote a list [on my phone, in the dark]
specific things annoying me:
✔ our messy apartment.
✔ my failed attempt at cutting down on sugar.
✔ an overwhelming to-do list at work, including some rather painful [and gross] grunt work in lab.
✔ feeling very disorganized about said to-do list.
✔ too much time wasted on the internet.
✔ disorganized, disjointed wardrobe.
✔ not enough time — especially focused, present time — with annabel. and feeling like her babyhood is just flashing by so quickly.
✔ a feeling of always feeling rushed.
✔ missed workouts [1 yoga + 1 run].
✔ overflowing email inboxes.
✔ schedules that i had to figure out [date nights, work schedules, etc — all important if i want to have things to look forward to!]
yeah, it’s a lot.
but somehow it really helped me to SEE all of this — to know exactly what i want to work on to improve things. i’m not aiming for the elusive “all” or some sort of mommy perfection. i am not trying to reach some special victorious destination. i just want to feel better in the moment, while life unfolds all around me.
so. i’ll work on it. i can spend a few minutes each night weeding through my wardrobe. i WILL check off the looming work tasks, one by one. i am going to stop worrying so much about sugar for the time being and just try to be reasonable about it — honestly, i found myself craving it MORE when i tried to give it up, and i think this goal may need to wait until after i’m no longer breastfeeding. i am going to take a deep breath and try to FORGET all of the to-dos when i have time with annabel, and i am going to try to wake up a little earlier [and go to bed earlier!] so that mornings aren’t so rushed.
and i will give myself credit for every day, not just the ‘good’ ones. because my intentions are good and i am doing okay.
call and late night list-making aside,
this was actually quite a fun weekend. other than the above splurge, highlights included:
♥ a 10.5 mi run at ??? pace [mapmyrun says 8:52/mi but i am pretty certain i’m not going sub-9. do others find this app overestimates speed?]
♥ 2 whole foods trips with annabel [what? it’s her favorite]
♥ 2 brunches out, with josh and a.
♥ a fun movie [what to expect when you’re expecting, which josh even admits he liked plus new music from aimee mann, ben folds five, and the head and the heart
♥ a decent amount of floor time