well, a summary
because at 7:31 pm, my bedtime is fast approaching.
oh MY i forgot how much i dislike the first trimester. last time, i had stars in my eyes — i had yearned for a baby for so long, and i was grateful every day even just to be reminded that i really was pregnant.
this time, i’m still grateful. but not as distracted by the miracle of life, and therefore i am . . . noting more how much the beginning of pregnancy is basically terrible.
i have a gross taste in my mouth at all times [there’s even a name for it! dysgeusia]
i am extremely tired [like, extremely]
i am extremely unmotivated and sluggish
i feel huge and feel like i am showing already, which is completely ridiculous at this point because our little one is the size of a blueberry.
i already wake up 2-3x/night to go to the bathroom [this happened to me very early last time, too]
nausea quelled only by carbs, carbs, carbs
weird food aversions and attractions
that’s basically it. last time, i remember all of these magically abating and feeling like a rock star around 12 weeks. and the rest of pregnancy treated me pretty well — i remember having pretty good energy and was able to run the day before delivery at 40 weeks! but the first part is the worst. only 5ish weeks to go!
7 weeks this week. so, i feel like i can only consider myself ‘a little bit pregnant’, despite the above. i know there is no guarantee that this pregnancy will work out, so the baby is just a theoretical construct at this point.
i know that many of you followed along in my drawn out and rather painful infertility journey and were wondering what went on this time around. the truth is: absolutely nothing. we weren’t trying, and this was a total shock. i was still running — 27 miles the week before i found out — and at a BMI that did not seem to let me cycle normally before, even though it is in the ‘normal’ range.
given my history, i did not have any desire to use birth control after annabel, so i didn’t. [plus, i figured that any surprise baby would be a happy surprise — which this definitely is!]. annabel had her last breastfeeding session sometime in mid-april. i never experienced a period, which was pretty much status quo for me before, so i didn’t think about it too much.
until one day in june i felt some twinges that felt . . . well, a lot like the twinges of early pregnancy i had with annabel. i ordered a 25-pack of tests on amazon [figuring . . what were the odds, REALLY? do you know how many negative tests i’ve taken!!?] and was shocked to find two dark lines staring back at me on a monday night.