after writing this post, i’m going to spend some quality time thinking about the good ol’ HP. it’s been quite a whirlwind month.
✔ i was on call 17/31 days for our practice [that’s 24/7 pager availability]. UM. THAT’S A LOT. oh, and the two weekends i was ‘off’, josh was on call. i stand by my decision to work full time, but the amount/intensity of hours put in over the past month were more than ideal for me. i front-loaded on purpose because better now than as a mom-of-two, right? but i will be VERY glad to return to the normal 1:4 schedule upon my return from leave.
[which i am now feeling very ready for!]
✔ i reached the old definition of ‘full term’ pregnancy — 37 weeks [it seems unfair that they changed it between annabel and #2 but i do respect the reasoning.]
✔ likely as a result of the above, i got insanely tired, moody, and emotional.
✔ i actually STOPPED running/working out [too tired] at a time when the rest of the world seemed to be embarking on ambitious new fitness journeys for the new year
✔ on the up-side, i did pass my boards and had some wonderful moments with josh and annabel. between work calls. nothing horrible fell through the cracks, and i remained organized. so, there’s that.
1) work on eliminating rushing. as i mentioned several weeks ago, this goal was not specific nor quantifiable enough. i DO think i thought about time more in a non-rushed way, if that makes sense. examples: i tried to enjoy my commutes [even if there was traffic] and savor lazy moments with annabel. at the same time, during the large percentage of the month that i was on call, it felt very difficult to really relax about time, given that:
a) i have no real control of my schedule when on call.
b) i feel pressure to get out of work by 5:15 or so in order to get home to annabel on time. often this gives me a rushed/harried feeling throughout the entire work day. unfortunately, most days it is not realistic to share evening responsibilities with josh [he just physically cannot get out on time — is often still in the OR or doing a procedure until fairly late]. it leads to unavoidable moments of [real] time pressure, and it is hard. i think about adding pumping*/breastfeeding/a second child into the mix and all i can say is — i had better figure things out in the next few months. the answer is probably accepting that more of my [electronic] paperwork will need to be done at night/on the weekend, but i admit i don’t love that solution either.
however, this doesn’t mean i have to keep this rushed feeling on evenings and weekends where it truly is not necessary. and just thinking about it DID help, to some extent. i think i’ll revisit this again – perhaps with more concrete aims – in a future month.
2) eliminate time sinks. i took the facebook app off of my phone, but quickly realized that i could still get on by going to facebook.com. i did a stringent weeding-out of my blog reader, but still mindlessly surfed from time to time. i will say i was more conscious of these sinks, and therefore they felt more like guilty pleasures and less like default time-fillers/procrastination devices. so, mixed success.
3) plan for breaks – including setting aside ~2 hrs each weekend as relaxation/me time.
i did do this, and had 2 prenatal massages over the course of the month on both ‘off’ weekends — awesome use of 2-3 hours of babysitting time. today after rounding in the hospital, i took a nap while annabel did [though got interrupted by multiple pages, sigh]. i have come to terms that i am a better mom/person when i get some time to do me things, and plan on continuing this.
4) dedicate time to josh/me for US. including unplugged dinners when he is home.
um. not enough of these, sadly. he was too late and i was too tired/hungry/impatient. hopefully more in the future.
5) fill free time with worthwhile things.
another meh. i haven’t read much of anything except half of love and logic [which i have mixed feelings about]. i have all of these movies i want to see, but i don’t think we’ve seen a single one this year, which is pretty lame. honestly, i feel like i subtracted 3+ hours from each day due to
a) needing to sleep more in my current state
b) needing to work more because of more call
c) annabel sleeping LESS [7:30 bedtimes, 5:30 wakeups most mornings, although she hangs out fairly calmly most mornings and we do not get her until 6]
. . . and despite skipping workouts and outsourcing 99% of chores, there just wasn’t much left.**
$66 to the JDRF [apparently november was a light month!]. even if a cure might jeopardize my job security***, i feel so strongly about the need for better treatments/prevention. though type 1 diabetes is a manageable condition, it is such an incredible burden on parents and families and children. i really hope someday in the near future that it will be preventable or at least — made easier.
[i am donating 100% of my blogher earnings to charitable organizations on a monthly basis. previous months below.]
* i know most people can multitask while pumping. i am also incredibly jealous of those who can fill bottles in 5 minutes. my output was terrible without using hands-on massage techniques — and it took me a full 25-30 minutes/session.
** although i DID have time to blog and get the aforementioned massages. maybe my expectations are just too high.
*** not really!