SO. My 3 part series is about to become a 4-part series, and then it’s going to be over. Because after copious (over)analysis I am pretty sure that my ability to feed Cameron/pump enough WAS impacted by my short adventures with MyFitnessPal and being a little too careful with my intake. And while I don’t think there would be anything wrong with throwing in the towel and just not worrying about pump volumes and supply, I just don’t feel like that’s the right choice for me right now.
The thing is: I like breastfeeding. This is likely to be the last time in my life I’ll ever do it. And even though I find the whole “breast is best” mentality a little narrow-minded and frustrating at times, I would like to give my milk to Cameron for a while longer. I also want to be able to breastfeed on weekends, evenings, and mornings without having to freak out about whether I am able to do so. I don’t have a great reason for wanting this, but it just feels right.
This is not a body image victory. I cannot truthfully say that I LOOOOVE how I fit into my clothes right now, and I’m not likely to ever embrace my current size (which is completely normal and healthy, but just not my preferred version of normal). But I can just suck up my vanity temporarily and just eat without attempting to lose anything and try to even (gasp) enjoy it over the next 6 months or so. And when I’m done and ready to throw the pump out the window (okay not really, it’s a rental Symphony and that would be quite a costly statement), I will celebrate by perhaps ramping up the intensity of my workouts, being more conscious of my eating, and then going on a REALLY well-deserved shopping spree.
Okay, I’m done with this topic for a long time — promise! Here’s a teaser for the upcoming planner post:
(If you didn’t think I was crazy before . . . I’m pretty sure I have you convinced now 🙂 )