But I think I really need to rest more sometimes. Not just in the physical sense, but in that rushing/must-be-productive/panicked sort of way. And it’s not even like I AM all that productive sometimes, especially at the end of a long day when I feel like I’ve really pushed myself. It is at those times that I tend to just crash, and not in a nice relaxed manner. More like hitting the wall, and often feeling miserable, spent, and oddly resentful. Of what/who? I’m not even sure.
I read Brittany’s post today, in which she describes a day in which she just abandoned her to do list and relaxed with her two young girls, and how the time passed in a “welcomed, un-rushed flow.” She writes: “Slowly but surely, I felt a metaphorical exhale as all the things I was ‘supposed’ to do disappeared from my mind.”
Lately I feel like I never experience that exhale. I always promise myself “free time” when I’ve finished items A through triple-Z, and then it’s like, WOW, somehow the end of the list is eluding me. Maybe next time.
I need to create this time, this space. And I need it to be more than a rarity (ie, vacation / random day off). I think one of the reasons that I love planners so much (okay – there are probably A LOT of reasons) is that in theory I should be able to get all of my obligations on paper so that I can have the freedom to enjoy some white space in between. I just need to somehow find some room between the lines again.
Sleeping in once in a while seems like a good start.