On call, aaaaaand . . .feeling a little blah. There is just something about being ON for the patients and ON for the family and presumably still ON a little bit for me (ie, being responsible about health, little life details, etc) that is just soooooooo draining. Without call, I feel like I can really just zoom into my work brain ~8:30 – 5* — but when all the sudden the edges bleed over — even theoretically** — well, I find it hard. Very draining. When I was a (childless) fellow, I would go home and lie on the couch and basically baby myself until the week was over. Now? I leave and shift into parenting mode the second I walk through the door. And I’m never present on call evenings, as much as I hate to admit it.
Yesterday I self-soothed with double device time (including a horrifying amount of aimless scrolling) + crappy eating. And it didn’t really work – just woke up feeling bad about my lame night.
Tonight I am going to try to do better – attempt a barre3 workout (home) after the kids are in bed, and then either hang out with Josh (if home) or read or watch another episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend WITHOUT another device in my hand. Wish me luck . . .
(List-making also might be a stress relief activity for me!)
* Yes, those are my hours unless I’m on call (call = 20% of the time). Yes, I know many doctors work more. In my defense I think I get a lot done in that time frame.
** Even if I don’t get called, I’m thinking about my inpatients and maybe even some of the imaginary calls I could get)