I may have exploded to Josh last night that I am ready to rename the podcast Worst of Both Worlds, because just woah.
There’s a lot going on around here, and I am not quite keeping my head above water. And it feels pretty terrible. I commented that all I want is to stay home with G for the next 6 months. Unrealistic. Not happening. But, for what it’s worth, true.
To be fair, objectively all of the various components in my life are fine. Better than fine, even! An inventory of the good:
– G is obscenely cute, and seems happy. Which means all of those milk supply stressors haven’t been the way they used to be. She’s approaching the 6 month mark ever so quickly.
– A&C are almost done with school. Actually C is done, and A has 3 more days. She came home with a summer “packet” of homework to do in preparation for first grade last night. I definitely do not remember this kind of assignment from my childhood (summer reading yes; worksheets no). Ahh well.
– They are headed to camp next week and therefore summer should be fairly smooth sailing right up until our vacay in August.
– Work, on a superficial level, seems under control. I am sort of keeping up. I had an incredibly productive month patient-wise last month (too productive honestly, my schedule was overly packed and it’s mostly my own fault).
– We planned our summer travel (flights + 2 nights hotel stay; we will be staying with 2 sets of brave friends the rest of the time!)
– I am enjoying the Beachbody workouts. Still doing 21 day fix (in my 5th week of this or so, so I’m not actually doing 21 days . . .).
– I created some monthly goals for June for the first time in a while. And hey, I’m even FLOSSING!
HOWEVER. The “not-urgent-but-important” stuff keeps getting shoved forward. And I’m starting to panic about it. I have a lot of work related to the residents arriving, from finalizing conference schedules to producing orientation materials to ironing out details of the endo rotation. I feel like the residency portion of my job could easily fill half of my working hours right now, but I only ‘officially’ have 10% allocated.
My “side hustles” (aka this blog + podcast) are getting the shaft as my days off recently were filled with end-of-year activities, and I even have a couple of upcoming weeks where I just can’t take a day off though I have let it be known to our practice manager that I will be making them up later.
I don’t know. I guess the truth is that I’d really like more time at work AND to be home with no obligations whatsoever other than the kids for the rest of the year. Is that too much to ask?
Quitting the pump will most certainly help, as will G sleeping all night — currently she’s still up twice, though the intervals are definitely getting longer. But I’m actually so happy with our current breast-feeding relationship that I don’t really want to mess with it now. I’m thinking of trying to stick it out at least until after our vacation — I feel like it will be much nicer (and honestly easier) to be able to just nurse her during that time away from home than mess with bottles.
Maybe I’m just overthinking everything. Perhaps one day, hour, minute at a time — it will all work out.
Off to do Beachbody. (And yes, a post on this coming soon. SPOILER NO I do not have six-pack abs. But I do feel like I am getting stronger, and I really do enjoy the workouts. They feel efficient and effective. And are really insanely cost-effective compared to a boutique boot camp class or barre studio. I am still doing 21 day fix but eventually I’ll ramp up to the whole “80 Day Obsession” line. Not ready yet though and probably won’t be until fall!)