I was listening to No Stupid Questions (this episode) during my longer run on Sunday (50 minutes / 4.6 miles) and Angela Duckworth (who I love) made some comments about the concept of good versions of oneself crowding out the bad versions, which she attributed to Aaron Beck, who apparently is known as the father of cognitive-behavioral therapy.
I greatly enjoyed this discussion for two reasons: a) I definitely feel that I have a variety of ‘modes’ (or . . . versions of one self?) which come out in different contexts based on habit, and I liked that she normalized this and b) I knew what she meant about the crowding.
Her “bad mode” was a resentful parent who sulked and felt angry when her family went on an outing without her. Her solution to this was to decide to immerse herself in her work while they were gone. “Working mode” prevented “sulking mode” from emerging.
I’m on call this week, which amplified my interest in this because . . . I am not always at my best mode on call. BUT, perhaps if I put more energy into remembering to channel “Helpful mode” and “Team player mode” and “Empathetic mode”, then “Grumpy tired mode” will have less room to maneuver.
(This then led me down the rabbit hole of other forms of crowding out. I can crowd mindless Instagram scrolling out with reading, for example. I absolutely do that, in fact. And I feel it makes me happier!)
OTHER TOTALLY RANDOM NOTE:
Listening to a podcast while exercising and want to remember something to refer to later?
TAKE A SCREENSHOT. I mean duh, but . . . I never thought of that before!
You’ll be able to see the episode AND where you were in the episode when you decided you had to capture such brilliant revelations (oddly this happens more while running . . . I think it’s then endorphins).
OTHER OTHER RANDOM NOTE
I took all 3 kids to the zoo on Sunday while Josh was on call. It was fun. I do think we have reached an age cohort that is less difficult to solo parent. And THAT is something to celebrate!