I went back into my archives to figure out if I go off the rails EVERY August or just this one. While I did note some 2022 bedtime struggles (which thankfully have largely resolved), it appears that no, I was not feeling what I am feeling now — or if I was, I was not posting about it!
I feel . . . almost like this. (And this time I’m fairly sure I am not ovulating or PMDDing, though I did see my OBGYN yesterday and am going to try some new things for various reasons and NO not pregnant omg I’m 43 CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE).
I feel particularly triggered by constant requests from others (professional, personal, you name it – often things that require a significant amount of work or emotional labor, doled out for free). Yet somehow, I do not feel like I can (or should) ask things OF others. I know it’s a boundaries thing but setting boundaries sounds SO SIMPLE in theory and feels so fraught in practice. The rants in Barbie feel relevant right now.
(Maybe that’s one reason I loved the movie so much. I felt seen!?)
I know some of this is just an adjustment period. The kids are tougher than usual right now which is understandable — they are going through transitions, too. But, here is my collection of complaints in addition to those noted above:
- I am overwhelmed about the soccer schedule already. FOUR games this weekend (tournament) including one late on Sunday night!? What did we get ourselves into? I’m happy to support C but he hasn’t even seemed that enthusiastic. I *do* think this is a great opportunity for him in many ways (socially, physically, maturity-wise) but OMG. “Soccer mom” (or any travel sports mom) is an actual thing. And I am not a very good one. Maybe I can learn . . .
- Every morning getting ready for school feels so rushed and the kids act like getting out of bed to eat breakfast is just asking tooooo much. There is a lot of yelling and a lot of kids ignoring what I say to them. It’s really frustrating. If we leave late for school, I arrive late at work. (And if I arrive too late at work, there is no parking and then I’m EXTRA late to work. It’s a non-linear equation.)
- I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten my sleep back to normal (and feel unsure as to whether I can realistically sleep enough while marathon training. But I really want to keep training because it feels like the one constant thing in my life that is mine.)
- I don’t feel like we’ve found any sort of rhythm yet which is 100% understandable because school started just three days ago. But it’s also hard.
- Somehow despite wanting to eat more protein I haven’t even managed to pack my lunch for work in a week and have been subsisting on overpriced delivery that isn’t even good.
- I find myself wishing I had more time. For a lot of things.
I almost didn’t post this because there is a lot of complaining. I *know* I have so much. Health. Resources. So much more. But I also wanted to be real. Maybe in August 2024 this will be helpful.