Booked . . .
I’m feeling a tiny bit boxed in by my own ambitions right now. #UPHOLDERPROBLEMS (tongue in cheek, but also being serious here). On the one hand, I am happy overall! Everything is on schedule. I am delivering my deliverables, as they would say in the business world.
On the other hand, after the drama of Aug/Sept and the hurricane madness of last week, I am feeling like I could really REALLY could use a day of nothingness and I am not seeing a space for that to happen any time soon. I did have a day like that on my calendar — I’m seeing Taylor Swift on Sunday (with A!! and I KNOW!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!) and had designated the Monday after as a Blank Space kind of day (heh heh, pun intended).
BUTTTTTT then we had some hurricanes and I let myself get the tiniest bit behind and so now I think I will need that day to write a substantial amount.
Hmmm.
It’s hard. I love my podcasting / writing / teaching / speaking work! It is so tempting to fill those Tuesday/Thursday days up to the brim with things! Ahh well. Maybe taking even half the day to chill on Monday will feel therapeutic enough.
$ and Making Choices
We decided, after much trepidation, to go back to Big Sky this December, over winter break!! The kids love it, Josh loves it, I love it, and I adore the idea of having a ‘place’ that they remember from multiple vacations and get to know well. For us it seems like that place is turning out to be a ski resort in Montana (well, and also Amelia Island). Who knew!?
I hemmed and hawed mostly because of the cost, especially since this is our SECOND trip there in 2024 (we won’t be skiing this spring — too many gym meets + soccer tourns, plus kids have different spring breaks). It is not an inexpensive vacation, because: a) flights from FL to BZN are $*; b) staying on property (which we prefer) is somewhat $ (though seems much cheaper than other big resorts I looked at, OMGGGG Deer Valley!); c) ski school and lift tickets themselves are $.
But when I thought about the times we had there in the past, it seemed worth it. I know going back to the same place means lost opportunities to visit other places, but I guess I am a creature of habit so that does not bother me! And hey, as the kids get older, it’s a different experience every time! Hoping this will be the year G is ready for ‘real’ lifts 🙂
On my list of “How I Want to Spend”, travel/experiences with family is very very high on that list. Yesterday, I was listening to an About Progress episode featuring Jen Smith, the author of the book Buy What You Love Without Going Broke and felt good about our choice. As a household, I think our spending patterns are a little bit unconventional (very skewed to stuff for the kids / childcare / travel; very skewed against home stuff / our house / cars / actual stuff. I’m fine with never owning a high end designer bag or fancy jewelry; I’m not fine dying without seeing Taylor Swift perform). I think someday on my deathbed, 100-year-old me will be happy with those choices (optimistic, I know).
While our kids are still home, I want to aim for 3 main family trips/year: one ski trip, something over spring break, and something over the summer. I know that even being able to consider this is a privilege and a luxury, I recognize that (and I did not grow up with so much travel, though the trips we DID take are absolutely core memories).
Do you have a typical ‘travel cadence’? Is travel a priority for you, life-wise/finance-wise?
(I know travel also has environmental implications, and that gives me pause too. I hope I can mitigate my impact in other ways. It also feels unfair to be seeking out these experiences when others lack basic necessities. I want these things, AND I still have complicated feelings about my own desires.)
*I did use some hoarded frequent flier miles to cover 2/5 flights and a travel credit from September (bc with our #@(*&!@ going on, I wasn’t able to go on my college friends trip) to cover most of another, so that definitely helped!
13 Comments
Hi Sarah! 1. I think if you think you need the break – you should take it. Because a) you deserve it and b) and it will make catching up go better – more focus, more capacity for handling the stress.
2. For travel cadence – my husband and I are privileged to travel at least twice a year for work together in November and April sometimes we take our daughter, sometimes we don’t – really based on location and commitments during the trip. I also try for a summer vacation and we’re starting a pattern of a February trip. I am with you on prioritizing travel.
I think travel is really important to us as a family, and something we spend on, despite much lower income levels (academic, civil servant in the UK where salaries are lower). We have one older car, a small house, one kid, and now our only childcare expense is wraparound care. We also tend to travel quite frugally, within Europe and try to live like locals (markets versus restaurants) and we’ve started doing home exchanges which means our accommodation costs can be low. Sometimes we tack family travel onto my work travel and may sneak to Paris in January.
This Christmas, we will go to my parents’ in Portugal, maybe somewhere at Easter, then we are planning on two weeks in Amsterdam over the summer holidays. We didn’t get a just the 3 of us holiday last year, and really missed it? We tended to split up a bit, and I feel like we really need some time away just the 3 of us.
Travel is not a priority for me whatsoever, really. I mean, we do travel a little — we took our first big family vacation to Colorado last summer (from Virginia) although that was with a lot of extended family. But we don’t travel a lot apart from going to see grandparents or going to the Outer Banks with extended family. Our kids are 3,10 and 12, and apart from a quick trip to New York City pre-Covid and a few trips to the Smoky mountains, this was the first real travel we had done, first airplane trip, etc. It was really fun, and it would be great to recreate something like that every year, but we would have to make tradeoffs in our everyday life that don’t feel worth it.
I think my priorities tend to skew more toward making my home and everyday life a place of beauty and restoration. I’d rather skip a big annual vacation if it means my home, every day, is a place I want to be. I do have a dream of renting an RV and driving cross-country (to LA 2028!), and a trip of that magnitude means a lot of saving and preparation.
I also think that while we should be cognizant of our environmental output, beating ourselves up for 3 plane trips a year isn’t really necessary, as well as feeling apologetic for enjoying what we have (i.e. the time, money and motivation to plan lots of family travel). Enjoy the concert on Sunday! (another thing I would never spend money on, lol, but it goes to show that everyone is different!)
TOTALLY love hearing this bc it sounds so valid to me, yet we are so different, and it just emphasizes the fact that this is sooo not one size fits all!!!
We usually travel 3 times per year. Once to visit family on the opposite coast, once to the beach (we drive there, stay in a house and cook most meals) and once to a new to us location. We rack up a lot of miles (with 4 kids in a high COL area) and we use them regularly for flights and lodging. Next year we are taking a big, once in a lifetime type trip to Africa so we are skipping the beach. It is our last summer with all our kids at home and we are all getting excited for the trip.
I would highly recommend taking at least the morning off. Then in the afternoon work if you feel like working. You will be more efficient with some rest. I also often write on weekends to get some rest during the week when it feels more like rest (while my kids are at school).
We definitely prioritise the same things as you do. We underspend on home, cars, etc, but spend a lot of travel and experiences. Our cadence right now (with young kids and a tighter budget) is one big trip (overseas or further away in Australia) every year (last year we travelled to New Zealand and Fiji), next year hoping to travel to Bali, and one to two mini-breaks to either a local resort or visit family interstate. Planning travel, and then anticipating it, honestly gives me so much joy, and then we enjoy the experience SO much, that this feels right for us.
Well, you know we do value traveling! We do not have specifically defined cadences exactly, and although there is a general pattern, it can vary for us, too. Historically we don’t enjoy travel over Christmas holidays, as we like holidays at home and it’s our cozy “enjoy the house with fireplace and decorations up” time. So we don’t typically go away then. Spring break and summer are our biggest travel windows. As a general rule of thumb, we have aimed to do one bigger trip (usually 2 weeks) and one more low key (ideally driving) trip. Through, this varies. Sometimes we’ve done 2 week long national park trips and a shorter flying trip. We generally are not wanting to buy airfare for all of us multiple times per year, so we will try to plan so that we don’t have to do that, if possible. Doesn’t always work out, but that’s the typical goal. Then besides our two main trips, we’ll sometimes have some smaller things sprinkled in- either a 1:1 trip, a couples trip, a work related trip, or sports trips. It really just depends on the year.
We have family in Mexico (I am writing this comment from Mexico!), so we typically plan on a full family trip here at least every other year, if not more. (Currently here for second time this year as a special occasion, but normally we don’t come this often.) But we do have to take the family visits into account when planning our other travels!
I would say we value exploring new locations more than you do, I think, although I can certainly see the appeal to going again and again to the favorite repeat places! We like to return to Panama City Beach, Florida, but we don’t go every year. We’ve been there a bunch of times though.
As a side note, I recently read an interesting article about how “trendy” travel is right now. (I cannot find it now and am mad, bc it was kinda fascinating.) As in, it’s apparently become “cool” for people to be like, “I love to travel!” as sort of a bragging rights type thing, or a big status symbol. The article was saying how some other people are starting to push back on the notion that all time off must be spent traveling, or off to exotic places, etc, and that it can be alienating for people who cannot afford it, etc. I found that really fascinating… and also I cringed a little bc I was like… guilty! Hahaha. I DO love to travel! 🤣 But I can appreciate that sentiment as well, and I can absolutely see how it could become like a rat race in some circles of people trying to one up each other or something… And, like Amy’s comment above, I think it’s important to realize that there is nothing inherently “right” or “better” about traveling. Like, if someone either can’t afford it OR simply doesn’t care to, that doesn’t make it right or wrong at all. (Which I know you know, Sarah, just saying in general, in response to this article I read.)
I liked Amy’s comment about her preferring to prioritize cultivating a really beautiful day to day home/life where she spends the majority of her time all year, vs focusing on just a couple brief periods away traveling each year. Interesting perspective! I can understand that point of view for sure, too. Fun topic!
We have traveled a lot and live overseas, but I have mixed feelings about it. I do enjoy travel and we have great memories, but I don’t know that it is worth all the money we have spent. It is hard to do reasonable vacations with 6 people. I also feel like as expats there is an expectation of travel so I almost feel pressure to go somewhere every school break. My oldest went to college this year and we had to get him a car and my next two are in braces, so we have absolutely cut back. Plus, sometimes my kids sound so obnoxious complaining about having to tour another European old town, so I am kind of done haha.
We travelled locally (like…only car trips, though some were very long) until our youngest was 7. I have no regrets about waiting to do international vacations until they were both old enough to be fairly independent and remember the experience. Plus, we didn’t have the money to travel before that.
Now we try to do a couple of “flight” vacations a year. As you know, we try to do it as frugally as possible but I’m also trying to lean in to “it costs what it costs.” I think we fairly intuitively strike a good balance?
A friend was talking to me about how amazing it is for kids to know the basics of managing travel logistics. Like checking in to hotels, flying, navigating airports, adjusting to locations where people don’t speak your native language. I never thought of that before, but it is unique form of education. It can be learned as an adult, but I think of my husband who is one of the most competent travellers I know and he literally couldn’t do his job without those skills. So I also try to look at it as a roundabout form of home-schooling for the kids 🙂 Expensive home-schooling…except away from home.
you know that I am the same as you, prioritize travel, kids stuff, and experiences, and don’t care about brand/cars/everything else. I believe strongly to form those family memories while girls are with us which is not too much left. Every time I go to a trip with them, those leisurely chat, wonder when discovering new things, they are priceless and motivates me to plan for the next one.
we’ve been into one place 3 times (el nido), probably the only place we’ve revisited and we still love it and may go back before we leave Asia. So go for it!
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I adore Big Sky so much. Best skiing on the planet (I say, having been to very few ski places on the planet lol). And I get what you mean about making travel a priority. One of the privileges/challenges of this phase of life is that it seems like a lot of our travel plans have involved going to see our parents. Which is GREAT. But also… doesn’t allow for the kind of travel we’d do if it were just up to our immediate family.
I actually didn’t even count that as travel though obviously it is! We try to see my parents , my sister, and niece in PHL twice a year.
We love to travel but it is soo expensive even domestically (I live in NZ) so we try and be strategic about when and where. Just back from a mini break with just husband and I which was good reminder of why we do need to take the time and budget. Very privileged to have a sister and brother in law with an incredible second home close to Queenstown so have gotten back into skiing in my middle age and introduced my kids to the fun of mountain holidays. What is just as rewarding as the skiing is the time with extended family.