Not judging, but time to fix this:
I know some of you are great moderators when it comes to addictive apps.
Um, I am not. At all. There is a reason why I choose to (generally) completely abstain from all social media, including FB, Insta, Reddit. I’m sure TikTok would be the same but I’ve never touched it because I know it would probably the same.
(I am not an abstainer in anything else, really! Just this. Well, and things like cigarettes and hard drugs, but that is probably obvious. But I can happily moderate chocolate or shopping or wine, and definitely prefer it that way.)
Behold last week’s screen time stats. I am not proud of these.
But then here’s the breakdown:
I could say some mean things about my self-control (probably with a humorous angle to soften the blow), but it’s not really the time for that (and really, is it ever?).
That said, I do not wish to spend this much time on my phone. I do not believe it serves me. It does NOT make me feel good. There are other things I’d rather do. And so, it is time to move on.
Obviously, I’ve had to have this conversation with myself on numerous occasions. The good news is, generally it works. I’m actually reasonably good at quitting these things once I really commit to it. If something really wild happens and it causes me to regress for a few weeks (like this time), I can quit again. So here we go.
MANIFESTO:
- No more Reddit. I can’t even say it was useful research for me. NOTHING in there was of benefit. For me, it’s extremely (and bizarrely) addicting. I’m done.
- FB break for now. At some point, maybe I will institute a weekly check of the board related to my (tentative) diagnosis (note: that was all I was looking at last week, I did not resume general FB use. But I was looking at that for WAY longer than necessary). For now, this is not needed. If specific questions come up I will go there to ask them, but for now it’s absolutely doomscrolling and not helpful.
- Designated times to not text socially/recreationally. This includes waking up until 12 pm and after 8 pm for now.
- Will go back to aiming for <100 total minutes/day. I know this doesn’t work for everyone but I tend to be motivated by trying to hit a number, and I feel best when the total is < 100 (under 1 hr 40 min).
- Ideas for ways I will stay busy instead: Reading (I did finish The Better Half yesterday; will pick something absorbing to replace it), writing (journal / planner / etc), tackling some small home projects (example: go through one of G’s drawers), reading lighter stuff (magazines), watching TV without double devicing, talking on the phone or FT, trying some gentle yoga, take a online course (I have MasterClass and there are a few that look really interesting), do a fun baking project (though my sister and mom are sourdough obsessives and though I respect the cool blend of science and hands-on practical crafting this is, I HAVE NO DESIRE), POSSIBLY will try cross stitching. Possibly.
16 Comments
I admit that I also use screen time too much. Insta and FB are my weaknesses. I should probably turn off notifications cause that’s what draws me back in. One way I combat this is through the Forest app. You plant a tree, bush, or flower that grows while your phone is not being used. If you start using your phone your plant dies. It’s motivating to be productive and it’s free to use.
I think you’d enjoy How to Sleep At Night for a fun novel that’s not too heavy and is a page turner. I read it on my spring break flight last week and found it was perfect for passing the time and keeping my attention.
You probably do not need them as you’ve done this successfully before but I find the apps that block certain sites/ app helpful. The one I’m using right now is freedom.
Second the rec for How to Sleep at Night! I saw the author speak right around when the book came out and she was great, as is the book (which moves quickly). I think if it had been published any other time besides Jan 2025 it would’ve had more buzz but it got kind of lost in the shuffle with everything going on in the news.
Also, I always appreciate when you talk about your issues with Reddit because I can very much relate. It’s so easy to go down endless rabbit holes on there and I definitely do that when I’m stressed. There are just way too many subreddits and most of the ones I like to look at are frequently updated so there’s always more to read! I’m going to use this post as inspiration and commit to staying completely off this week.
Exactly what you say – you’ve quit before and now you’re quitting again because time on the phone does not serve. I think we can all take notes from this.
As I was reading this, I wondered what my own stats were so I checked my phone and saw that I don’t have usage tracking turned on. For right now I decided not to turn it on because my weakness is checking apps compulsively. I may not spend a long time on my phone doing any one thing, but I tend to check in a lot, and I feel that I would spend more time checking my usage stats than I would in doing something productive with the data.
Yeah don’t get on tiktok… for not being at work last week, your totals are pretty good. I’ve been finding I get sucked in a lot when I have to sit and write. Whenever I have a little block, I pick up the phone and scroll. The only way I can break this habit is to set a timer for myself and try not to pick up my phone until the timer goes off, but even that hasn’t been working lately. Good luck! Fb kind of sucks so I don’t have a hard time abstaining from that— it’s mostly tiktok tbh.
This is very helpful and validating for me. I know that if I get on TikTok, I’m a gonner. So I would not do it. I cannot do a balanced approach but is better when I go cold turkey. My story with FB: I logged out to take a break, then could not remember my password, then just left it as is – better this way.
As you said- judgment and harsh words are not necessary! You had an unexpected bump in the road (to put it extremely mildly), had some backsliding, saw it for what it was and now are ready to get back on track. Recognizing that this does not make you feel good will be great motivation. I think you have some great ideas to replace your screen time- I think you’ll be successful. Good luck this week going back to work!
I have always thought that one day I’d like to do embroidery (not exactly cross stitch, but similar). Some of these look cool. Good luck replacing your screen time with something more fun/intentional!
https://www.purlsoho.com/swedish-embroidery-pattern.html?srsltid=AfmBOopKvsGNcXVFSbeUMSVXHl-QQjMvYrZg-Ax2HiW5M33kven-Cu3-
if you’re looking for a TV rec, I am really enjoying The Residence on Netflix. It’s an 8-episode miniseries so it will keep you busy for a while, but it’s not overwhelming. Kind of like Knives Out or Only Murders in the Building, but in my opinion it’s better than either.
I haven’t actively used FB for years but there are some FB groups related to my kids medical stuff that can be genuinely useful but I would spend way too much time checking if I kept the app on my phone. Two things that have worked for me: having my husband join some of those groups and then borrowing his phone to search the group when I have something specific to check, and changing my FB password to something hard to remember that i can only access from our online password vault and setting up an email notification to my husband each time I retrieve that password – the shame of him knowing I’m on FB again when I don’t want to be is an effective deterrent for me (he couldn’t care less!)
You could try learning to crochet. It’s honestly pretty easy – especially with all the kits and YouTube tutorials out there. It’s something that A (and probably C and G depending on interest) could do, too.
What about more writing? Maybe your second book will write itself during this time!
Also, for what it’s worth, I don’t think your screen time numbers are appalling, given what you’ve been through. You hate the impact that Reddit has, so okay, you will stop that again. But otherwise…gentle.
I, for one, have literally NO DOUBT that you will find highly satisfying ways to use your newfound time. The only concern I have is that you take the however many extra hours you have in your week and end up slotting in like 1.5-2x more into them. ☺️ In time all will be well. This is a transition period; this is not the new normal yet. No panic. No fear. Just acceptance of yourself as you move forward.
A nun once told me something that I think about all the time and I’ll share with you now: you’re not perfect, but you ARE terrific!
And you totally are!!!!
About a month ago I began focusing on reducing my “pickups” instead of my overall screen time and it has been so, so, so much more successful for me. I went from ~110 pickups per day, on average, to just 30. And my screen time has fallen by quite a lot, too. I’m not sure why this approach works so much better for me — I think because it’s more concrete? Each time I’m tempted to pick up my phone I have to think “is this worth adding another pickup?” And most of the time it is not, especially since I know I need to “save” a fair number of pickups for mundane tasks like 2-factor authentication on my work computer and texting the kids’ after-school program that I’m here to get them. Anyway, not a panacea but a very big step in the right direction for me.
I think these are things most of us struggle with in some ways because you’re having to re-assess a lot of life at the moment, it’s easy to turn to your phone and use it as distraction. (or maybe source of rumination as well?)
Anyway, i know i am always going back and forth. I do really like Instagram and can use it in healthy way – pretty pictures, planners, recipes, running content, sharing funny memes with my family and friends and generally following things that i like. But lately the political and news environment has me doom scrolling when i have in the past been able to manage myself but not this time. App timers work really well for me. I set 45-60 mins for instagram (and occasionally i’ll get sucked into a game so games too) and really keep to it. When it times out I don’t go back. But at least my doom scrolling is limited and then i have to pick something else.
Do you have Kindle Unlimited? Tons of cheesy reads on there (and a surprising amount of really good non-fiction too!) I honestly have loved having it since ditching social media. I keep the phone app at the bottom ‘dock’ thingy on my iphone and it’s helped the scroll habit SO much! Totally worth the 2 coffees or whatever it costs per month! Also we have a joke in our house, ‘reddit is the cesspool of the internet’ and I think it honestly gets worse every year! UGH! I hate whenever I need to Google something and then reddit pops up…its always a good 20-30 minutes of ‘what the heck did I just read’?!? Because that sidebar gets you every time! Also, maybe check out some local craft stores, Etsy or even Hobby Lobby, for a couple of fun little ‘kits’ like making animals from crochet or embroidery or something. Comes with everything you’ll need and it’s a cheap little handicraft to spend a few minutes here and there on.