Feeling: Unsettled
I want to share this Ezra Klein article/episode as I found it really thought-provoking — I actually listened to it twice. And then I read the comments section and felt — well if anything, just very confused. I am heartbroken for the civilians of Gaza suffering, and I very much want it all to stop. (And I definitely don’t have a hot take on how that could/should happen – how could I?? I am the farthest thing from an expert in this space).
I am also alert to the rise of anti-semitism and it’s scary. Just to give you the context of my background our family is Jewish, though our nuclear family is by choice not very religious (ie: we love our family Passover, but generally do not attend services and have not done bar/bat mitzvahs). I guess I would say I feel more “culturally/genetically” Jewish than anything else, and for better or for worse, it does not feel like a central part of my identity.
(I am not saying this is ‘right’ and I hope that doesn’t offend anyone who does! It is how I see things, probably mostly related to how I was raised.)
Growing up, I experienced subtle digs growing up in a primarily Catholic neighborhood (and — like my family how, we were not particularly religious). I was honestly so jealous of all the other kids going to CCD and celebrating communions together — I felt kind of left out, and sometimes I sensed that some of the neighborhood parents saw us as ‘other’. But things are much worse in certain settings today; one of my friends told me her kids were on a (primarily Jewish) camp field trip and without provocation had angry slurs aimed at them.
It makes me ill thinking of my kids (and really, any kids!) going through the world wondering who to fear and not feeling safe. (Side note: I know this is not unique to being Jewish whatsoever — and it’s unacceptable no matter what). Wanting to help Palestinians and wanting to harm people who happen to be Jewish seem like two entirely separate things to me. I fervently hope they can remain so.
(I hesitate to post this as I don’t think I can handle a comment firestorm, but it’s been weighing on me and I also feel like NOT mentioning the ongoing devastation feels off at this point.)
Cup of Jo provided some resources in her latest post, sharing organizations working to help feed civilians in Gaza; I plan on donating to WCK. Of note, I don’t see helping others as choosing a ‘side’. No one should be suffering with hunger.
27 Comments
There is so much misunderstanding of anti Zionism and antisemitism and weaponizing of supposed antisemitism and then ACTUAL antisemitism– it is terrifying. I am also culturally Jewish and feel the same way you do, especially since my own policies lean away from Israel on this one.
Just here to say I wish you the best and think you are awesome! I am not American or Jewish but I do think the world needs more kindness š
Just wanted to echo this. Iām not Jewish but saddened by prejudice of any kind of form. We had some local things go on a few years ago (maybe late 2020?) that really opened my eyes to anti-Semitism still being a thingā¦it was just shocking to me, how people can be judged in such a way. So sorry you are facing this (and also saddened by all those suffering now).
Thank you for sharing and bringing up this hard topic. Here in Australia antisemitic acts have been on the rise too. Growing up in Melbourne, my Jewish friends also experienced antisemitic slurs etc all through childhood, which as a non-Jewish person I was completely unaware of. Regardless of the situation in Gaza, which is heartbreaking, individual citizens should not be blamed for the actions of government. And children should never be targeted – honestly what is wrong with people š
I feel pretty hopeless on this one. None of this is fair, and none of this is new. I am pretty bitter about how we ( the Jews) are judged as a group for any perceived or real deeds. What’s happening with Palestinians is a horror. That said, my children should not be held responsible for it. But that’s not how it is.
I always asked my kids not to talk about our religion/ethnicity. Because that’s how I grew up in the USSR. Until a few years ago, they thought I was being silly. They no longer feel comfortable talking about it. Their close friends know, but they no longer share this openly.
That is really hard. I get it!
There is a ton of antisemitism. I am not Jewish. However, multiple times in my life, people have asked me if I am a) because I have a big nose, 2) because I am loud, 3) because they see me as “pushy”, 4) because I am from the east coast. Yes, people felt comfortable providing those reasons to me for asking, which I found at least a little eyebrow raising. The local private school where all the rich people send their kids — one of the CRNAs told me that her children were called Jewish slurs at a school event (and elsewhere), and that nobody did anything about it. I share this with you not to “me too” about antisemitism — it largely does not affect me personally, but to say that it is a huge problem, and wtf is wrong with people.
I was also reading about Gaza, and all I can say is, how terribly sad. It makes me feel so helpless and small in my ability to change things and to make the world a better place.
yes, to all of this and WOW. (no one ever asks me! so that’s so interesting you’ve had that experience. maybe in NC no one even thought of it, and in SoFL people just assume I am because there’s a very high Jewish population).
Maybe itās bc Iām in the Midwest? Ann Arbor has a small Jewish community, but SE MI has historically been a hotbed of antisemitism. It also happened when I was in Chicago (dude was from OH), and once in Philadelphia from a friendās mom who was from central FL. Idk.
Thank you for being so real!!!
Thank you for posting and I share your sentiments that Jewish kids should not feel āotherā or be made fun of, harassed, or targeted based on their culture or faith. Kids can be mean, just like adults, and itās easy to pick on someone that is different. Iām so sorry you felt that way and I admire you that you can be so kindhearted and thoughtful to want to help people that could easily be labeled as the āenemyā. You are a kind soul!!!
Thank you for sharing so vulnerably.
I’m so sorry you ever experienced this. And yes, 100% agree that HELPING CHILDREN should not be a controversial take. The tendency to pick sides and treat the other side as the enemy has caused so much unnecessary suffering. Hoping there is no comment firestorm for you to deal with as a result of your completely reasonable take!
As a similarly (non)observant Jew, I echo a lot of this. I am not often in Jewish specific spaces but all members of my immediate family are ā services, Hebrew school, Jewish camp, etc. and I do worry about them. One of my neighbors pointed out to me recently that the temple right by us no longer has signs out front displaying upcoming bar/bat mitzvahs, etc. and I think of that now whenever I pass by. š
I don’t know what the answer is either, but no one wants this suffering. Helping others is not choosing a side.
Before George Floyd, I thought that racism was mostly a thing of the past, and before October 7th, I thought that anti-semitism was something that ended in 1945.
I used to work with a team that was based in Israel, and the saddest thing that I ever heard was in the aftermath of October 7 when anti-semitic attacks worldwide started making the news. One of my coworkers said that she felt so much safer in Israel than she would anywhere else in the world. The world just should not be like that.
I’m so sorry that the parents in your predominantly Catholic neighborhood made you feel like an “other” sometimes. I grew up in a neighborhood and public school system where kids would ask (and assume) that you were either Catholic or Jewish (we had few WASPs in our area of suburban NYC). I don’t recall any incidents targeting either group-but seeing the ugliness that seeps through American society today, I guess we were just lucky. My best friend and neighbor was Jewish and spent every Christmas Eve with us. I used to go to Friday night services with her family at their synagogue sometimes and enjoyed her Mom’s noodle kugel. I wish that EVERYONE would understand that as humans, we are much more alike than we are different. October 7th, the continued holding of the Israeli hostages that remain, and the current famine in Gaza were and are both horrible. I wish someone would come up with a solution, but that feels impossible right now.
I am honestly so surprised and happy to see that the comments here are supportive. I was scared to look back all day! I feel like everyone hates Jews. My son goes to a Jewish school in NYC and the building is surrounded by concrete planters to prevent truck bombs and is staffed by armed guards. And every single synagogue here has a guard and many have metal detectors. Other religions donāt have to deal with this.
I didn’t delete a single one – and I was nervous too <3 <3
This is horrible, heartbreaking situation. Thank you for being so candid and vulnerable in sharing your background and feelings.
I am horrified by the starvation. Iāve cried audible, wet tears on the treadmill at my very public gym 2 times last week! I always pick the treadmill in front of the cnn tv :/ Iām praying every day for their relief. Iām LDS living in the bible belt, and I experience religious prejudice sometimes. It sucks to feel āotherā.
Heavy indeed. I keep most of my opinions on this topic to myself but I will just say this- Israel is NOT the only country/leadership that should be held accountable for suffering in Gaza. Iran and Hamas need to be held accountable too.
Jewish people- whether living in Israel or abroad- should not be held accountable for the actions of the Israeli government. I do not want to be held accountable for the actions of the US president, or the president of Korea (I am Korean-American and have lived in the US my entire life!). Should we hold Russian-Americans accountable for the decisions made by Putin? I think not. Jewish people are also entitled to criticize the Israeli government, just as I am entitled to criticize the US government while also being deeply patriotic. This is the beauty of freedom.
As scary as it is to be Jewish right now, religion and ethnicity can ground people’s identity and strengthen their sense of self, especially in the teenage years. You and your kids deserve to be proud of your Jewish identity. I am very sorry for all the suffering in Gaza AND the rise in anti-semitism.
I’m glad to see you didn’t get any negative comments over this post! My daughter keeps asking me who’s “right” and “wrong” in the Gaza situation. I always tell her I don’t have enough information to answer that question. I LOVE VSH’s comment above- you can criticize the Israeli government without blaming all Jews- just like we wouldn’t want to be blamed for the things our current administration is doing.
I like Ezra Klein- i’ll check out that podcast.
Thank you for commenting and reflecting publicly – I respect your voice and this is important. My husband and his family are Jewish – and while most are somewhat observant, my husband isn’t (ie he married me who is South Asian and we are not raising children as such while always sharing holidays with his family.) I have a nephew with whom we are very close -for various reasons he spent every college and grad school break with us – who wears a kippah as his representation of his faith every day in a big city – I worry about him in this crazier time as well as the rest of the family as they attend services. All ‘othering’ impacts everyone of us – we are all different in our unique ways.
Your childhood sounds like mine (and I think both of us grew up in PA!) – one of 3 Hindu families in a neighborhood full of Catholics. And I definitely got the comments, but they weren’t subtle š I’m honestly shocked that people are getting antisemitic comments these days (or maybe I shouldn’t be? IDK) and that’s terrible. I applaud you for sharing your thoughts on such a charged subject. It’s tricky, right? And there’s no good answer.
Ezra Klein is one of my favorite thought-leaders of our time. Your views and experiences sound v similar to mine- a Jewish mom in the SF Bay Area. It has been an excruciating nearly 700 days for so many people with no end in sight.
I wish we had a way of empowering good, selfless leaders who were truly interested in making life better for the people they represent. But apparently, this is a difficulty world-wide
Hi Sarah! I found you through BOBW years ago and have since become a big fan.
I am comforted to hear you voice public concern for Palestinian suffering, and I want to emphasize than any form of anti-Semitism is absolutely unacceptable. American Muslims like me strive towards their goals despite the weight of Islamophobia, and after everything the Jewish community has been through, the last thing you all need is a rise in anti-Semitism. The people of Gaza should not be attacked, and Jews should not be attacked. Every human deserves respect. I wish people of all religions would empathize with each other and realize that deep down, we have more in common than we think.
I’m on the “Building Bridges” side.
thank you so much Maryam – YES to ALL of this!!